While rustic themes get a surprising amount of coverage — trip to the vegetable garden, anyone? — some of these Spanish phrases for hanky panky are downright weird.

TO KICK UP DUST: ECHAR UN POLVO

If you want to get down and dirty with someone, then it could well be time to echar un polvo, or have a good old-fashioned shag as Austin Powers would say. Saddle up folks.

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TO GO ON THE ICE CREAM CONE DIET: LA DIETA DEL CUCURUCHO

 La dieta del cucurucho, as it is called in Spanish, is usually followed by the words comer poco, follar mucho (Eat little, have plenty of sex). Whether eating wafer biscuits while engaging in tantric sex is scientifically proven to help weight loss we don’t know, but this funny rhyming expression is used a lot by Spaniards when joking about an effective way of dieting.

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TO THROW THE JUNK AT SOMEONE: TIRARLE LOS TRASTOS A ALGUIEN

It might sound a tad aggressive but tirar los trastos a alguien actually means to flirt with someone in colloquial Spanish. Where the reference to chucking old furniture at someone you like comes from, we don’t know.

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TO SHOW SOMEONE WHERE CUENCA IS: PONER A ALGUIEN MIRANDO A CUENCA

This quintessentially Spanish expression refers to having sex with someone ‘doggy style’. Some sources say King Philip The Handsome of Spain (1478-1506) had an observatory built for him to look out at cities surrounding Madrid on the horizon. It also doubled up as a love nest where he could keep his affairs hidden away from his wife Juana The Mad. As he escorted one young lady up the tower, he reportedly told guards la voy a poner mirando a Cuenca.

Others disregard this claim and say instead that the mirando a Cuenca expression has its origins in the Spanish city’s Muslim past, and how those praying to Mecca (on their knees) in Madrid would position their bodies to the east, looking towards Cuenca. 

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TO WET THE DOUGHNUT: MOJAR EL CHURRO

Yes, churros: those long, thick doughnut sticks Spaniards and foreigners alike love to dunk in chocolate and put in their mouths. Like most stick-shaped food, churros are euphemistically used to describe a man’s Johnson.  ‘Mojar el churro’ means to have sex.

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TO TAKE SOMEONE TO THE VEGETABLE GARDEN: LLEVAR A ALGUIEN AL HUERTO

It may sound similar to taking a roll in the hay as the saying goes, but ‘llevar a alguien al huerto’ more specifically means to convince someone to have sex with you. 

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TO MAKE ONESELF A STRAW : HACERSE UNA PAJA

Despite what you might think, hacerse una paja doesn’t have anything to do with building a straw house. Instead this is one of the most common slang expressions for masturbation.

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TO RUB THE SPRING ONION: FROTAR LA CEBOLLETA

No brownie points for guessing what the veg is meant to represent. Frotar (or) arrimar la cebolleta is an expression used to describe close physical contact between two people, kind of like dry humping.

Photo: Iakovos Hatzistavrou / AFP

TO CHUCK A HELMET: ECHAR UN CASQUETE

A variant of ‘to kick up dust’, to echar un casquete means something along the lines of having a quickie. Suffice to say it’s not the most romantic expression for sex ever, in Spanish or in any other language. 

Photo: István Péter Kis/Pixabay

TO PLAY THE ‘ZAMBOMBA’ DRUM: DARLE A LA ZAMBOMBA

Once you witness someone playing this bizarre friction drum that’s used a lot in local festivals and at Christmas in Spain, it isn’t hard to understand why some people use is as expression for the act of self-pleasuring.

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