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Why you shouldn’t take your husband’s surname in Italy

The custom of women taking their husbands' surnames after marriage doesn't exist in Italy. But if you're considering taking your spouse's last name, here are four reasons why you should think twice.

Marriage, Italy
A newly-wed couple by Italy's Lake Iseo. Photo by Giorgia Finazzi on Unsplash

For some foreign couples, the prospect of a wife taking their husband’s surname may be a given. In Italy, however, it is not. 

It is very common to see grandmothers with different surnames from their grandchildren and mothers with different surnames from their children. If you take three generations of women in an Italian family (grandmother, mother, and daughter), all of them will in most cases have different surnames. 

There is a reason behind this: Italian law. Much like the Netherlands, Italy does not permit a wife in a married couple to legally change her surname to that of her husband (this can only happen in a number of special circumstances, outlined below). 

As a result of this, women in Italy are only able to use their husband’s surname in social contexts. For the most part, they cannot use their husband’s surname in official settings and must sign off on paperwork using their maiden names.

Let’s take a look at some reasons why you shouldn’t take your husband’s surname in Italy.

You have to be an Italian citizen 

If you weren’t an Italian citizen before marrying your Italian spouse, you will have to wait until you get your Italian citizenship to apply for a name change. If being married is the only way for you to obtain Italian citizenship, you’ll have to wait two years before you’re able to apply if you reside in Italy and three years if you both live elsewhere. The waiting period halves if you have a child. 

If you’re able to change your name to your husband’s in the country where you are a citizen, that could be one way of getting around the issue. However, it would be a nightmare at passport control and may cause issues with Italian bureaucracy further down the line.

Lots of red tape

This brings us to our second point: bureaucracy.

Italian bureaucracy is daunting when you first apply for documents such as your fiscal code or permit of stay. If by chance you are one of the lucky few who manages to get permission for a surname change, you will have to change your name on all of those documents. It will not happen automatically.

Wedding rings, Italy

Wedding rings are pictured during a ceremony. Photo by Miguel Medina / AFP

It’s also worth noting that a surname change under the law means the replacement of your maiden name and any double-barrelled name you wish to use.

READ MORE: How do you change your surname in Italy after getting married? 

Before you reach the acceptance stage for a name change, you must submit a lengthy list of documents by requesting a name change to the Ministry of the Interior through the prefecture (prefettura) covering the area you reside in.

Even after completing all of the relevant paperwork, your application may be rejected if it doesn’t fall into one of the special circumstances below.

Strict special circumstances

Wanting your husband’s surname is not a good enough reason for a name change; there has to be a more suitable one under Italian law. The special circumstances outlined by Italy’s interior ministry include:

  • Addition of the surname to avoid its extinction – in this case your spouse must attach a family tree to the request.
  • Change of surname after getting Italian citizenship – this can only be done after you have taken the oath. As mentioned above, women who want to change their names must have a marriage certificate.

Even if one of these two special circumstances applies, there is no currently available statistical data showing how many applications are ultimately accepted.

Divorce might change your name again

Under Article 5 of Law 898, a woman loses her husband’s surname in the event of a divorce. However, the woman may request to keep it if it is in the interest of her or her children’s protection. 

Divorce is definitely not the first thing newlyweds think of when getting hitched, but this is an important downside to remember. And to add to injury, you’ll have to change all of your documents again.

Is there a way around this?

In a strict sense, no. Having a complete name change is a thorough procedure. 

However, there is a little piece of law which allows female spouses to add their spouse’s name to their maiden name. Italy’s Civil Code outlines: “The wife shall add her husband’s surname to her own and retain it during her widowhood until she remarries.”

What this means is that you can add the preposition ‘in’ after your maiden name. It is not the same as a double-barrelled name. It means you have married into that family and it’s not a name change as much as it is an addition. 

Other than that, you can use your husband’s name socially but not officially.

Have you changed your maiden name after marriage in Italy? Let us know about it in the comments below.

Member comments

  1. As I was married to my Italian husband in England, I took his name. After moving to Italy, I have used my maiden name, which means I have a British passport with his name and Italian documents with my maiden name.

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‘Not easy, but worth it’: The ups and downs of raising bilingual kids in Italy

Foreigners living and raising children in Italy often want them to become native speakers of at least two languages. We asked those who’ve done it to share their tips and experiences.

‘Not easy, but worth it’: The ups and downs of raising bilingual kids in Italy

Foreign residents in Italy with children understandably spend a lot of time thinking about how to best make their offspring bilingual.

The Local asked parents in Italy about their experiences with raising children to speak more than one language, and many say they believe that raising their children to be bilingual or multilingual will give them advantages in life.

“When I was pregnant with my first son back in 2018, I read as many books as I could,” Stefanie Mellano, a freelance translator and UK national with Italian heritage tells The Local. 

Stefanie, who lives in Piedmont, said she flicked endlessly through the pages of ‘Bringing up a Bilingual Child’ by Rita Rosenback and ‘Maximize Your Child’s Bilingual Ability’ by Adam Beck before her now five-year-old son was born.

She follows a method called ‘one parent one language’, also known as OPOL. She speaks in English and her partner in Italian. The two parents speak to one another in Italian however. 

“The books gave me great ideas and advice that I was raring to put into action,” she adds.

“Now the reality isn’t quite as easy as that, and I’ll tell you why.”

READ ALSO: ‘Kids are adored here’: What parenting in Italy is really like

Stefanie says dinnertime conversations are “funny”. Her partner understands what she is saying when she speaks in English to their son and he will contribute in Italian. Their son will mostly respond to them in Italian with a few words in English.

When my son was younger, I was confident that he understood (and still does) everything I say, precisely because I never explain anything in Italian and I’ve always spoken English to him. He also would speak some English back to me. 

“That became more difficult once he started preschool and I would say that now the main challenge is getting him to speak English to me. 

“It’s hard trying to find a balance between letting him express himself and having him actually talk to me and tell me about his day or whatever he wants to talk about, and trying to get that out of him in English.

“However, we’ve always read books in English and when he started watching television, we made a rule that he could only watch it in English.”

READ ALSO: ‘Very underfunded, very strict’: What readers think of Italy’s schools

When asked if their efforts have been worth it, she answers a resounding ‘yes’, adding that her son switches to English completely when he goes abroad to visit family and friends in the UK. She adds that, when her partner goes away for work, her son speaks more English too. 

“He comes out with perfect sentences that make me want to cry with happiness,” she says.

Her biggest piece of advice is to never resort to the other language even if you are explaining something. 

Stefanie also has a one-year-old son. “He’s too little to speak yet, but he does wave when I ask him to say bye to daddy,” she says.

While Stefanie’s experience so far has been largely positive, the same cannot be said for Paru Agarwal, an interior designer who lives in Milan.

Paru got in touch via a post on Facebook group Mothers of Milan. Her native language is Hindi whilst her husband’s is Italian. 

She wanted to raise her children speaking English, Hindi and Italian, but the road was not easy. She suggested that she speak in Hindi to their first born, her husband speak in Italian, and that they speak to one another in English.

“He did not quite support my approach believing that it’s too confusing for the little baby. 

A father reading to his son in English. Photo by JOHANNES EISELE / AFP.

“In a very Italian environment surrounded by all Italians only around me, I tried my best speaking in Hindi with my daughter,” she says.

She said her in-laws made the transition in speaking both languages harder as they’d come over to help out and asked Paru to translate into Italian what she said to her daughter in Hindi. On the birth of their second child, the pair eventually decided to teach their children Italian and English first of all. 

“Today my kids are aged 8 and 7, and while their English is excellent and fluent, they need another year before their accent becomes neutral,” Paru says.

She also mentions she’s started sprinkling a bit of Hindi into their conversations too.

“In my experience of this, I’ve learnt not to listen to ignorance and do what you feel is best even if no one supports you,” she adds.

“I felt drained at first, but now things are looking better.”

READ MORE: ‘Being bilingual has made me a more creative writer’

For some parents, such as Francesca Grilli and her husband, raising their eight-year-old daughter to be bilingual in Italian and English makes sense in the global context.

Francesca, a managing director and partner of a technology firm, says speaking English will create an abundance of opportunities. Both she and her husband are Italian.

“We’ve travelled extensively and we have friends all over the world,” she tells The Local. 

“We believe our daughter shouldn’t feel excluded from conversations with our English speaking friends and their children.”

Francesca lived abroad for a period in her teens and focused on perfecting her English since. 

“We never followed a method with our child,” she mentioned. “We don’t want to force anything on her and we teach her English as another way of expressing herself rather than an achievement.”

“Overall, I see raising a child to be bilingual as something positive.”

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