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SWEDISH HABITS

Seven signs that autumn in Sweden is well and truly here

Sweden’s summer, with its bright evenings and long days of lazing around doing nothing in particular, is over. How can you tell when autumn has officially begun?

Seven signs that autumn in Sweden is well and truly here
Get ready to see a lot more lit candles in Sweden during autumn and winter. Photo: Cornelius Poppe/NTB Scanpix/TT

You start seeing lit candles everywhere

Sweden’s cold, dark winter is a marathon rather than a sprint, and one of the ways people in Sweden survive is by doing whatever they can to make it feel more cosy or mysigt

In the height of summer, you won’t find many people lighting candles (it’s too warm and so light outside that you can barely see the flame anyway), but the return of dark evenings and bad weather means that all your Swedish friends will have put out their designer candlesticks again (those ones they were given by their grandma when they graduated high school) next time you visit.

You have to use bike lights again

During the summer, it’s easy to forget sometimes that it actually gets dark, as you find yourself cycling around in semi-permanent daylight.

At some point around the end of September, this will change, and you’ll find yourself frantically checking every drawer and cupboard in your home to find the bike lights you stashed away somewhere around the end of April and haven’t used since.

If you drive, there’ll be a few weeks when you notice more cyclists than usual on the roads without proper lights, uttering some choice words under your breath when they appear out of nowhere right in front of you, dressed all in black, making them almost invisible in the dark.

The automatic out-of-office emails have finally stopped

Swedes take famously long summer holidays lasting anywhere from three to five weeks, with the height of the summer absences taking place in June and July.

This doesn’t stop some people – usually those without school-aged children – from travelling in the off season in August or September to skip the crowds or save a bit of money.

Anyone who has tried to work during the summer in Sweden knows how irritating it can be having to effectively put everything on hold while your colleagues are off on a sandy beach (or in a red wooden summer house) somewhere, with every email you send answered with an out-of-office reply.

If this wasn’t bad enough, the three week holidays are just long enough for your colleagues to forget whatever they were working on before they left for Thailand (or Gotland), meaning people have only just got back into the swing of things by the autumn.

Everyone starts talking about mushrooms for some reason

At some point in September, everyone you know will start talking about svamp and planning trips to the nearest forest, hoping to come back with a basket full of chanterelles. If you’re lucky, they might share some of their haul with you, but don’t expect an invite to their mushroom-hunting spot unless you know them very well.

As autumn progresses, expect the conversation to move on to bärplockning (berry-picking), with Swedish blueberries (technically bilberries), blackberries, lingonberries, rowanberries, cranberries and sea buckthorn all fruiting well into the autumn.

Daylight is suddenly limited to working hours

After months of relying on blackout blinds to get enough sleep, one day your alarm will go off (at the usual time) and the darkness outside will have you convinced it’s the middle of the night.

Unfortunately, it’s just autumn. Sunrise seems to get exponentially later during the month of September, while sunset gets earlier, until you realise that you wake up in the dark, go to work in the dark and head home in the dark. If you have children at school or preschool, you probably won’t see them in daylight again until April (okay, maybe on weekends).

Swedes go into hibernation

The unspoken pressure to go outside and enjoy the good weather during summer finally subsides in autumn, which can be a blessing rather than a curse. Finally it’s socially acceptable to wrap yourself up in a blanket on the sofa with a hot chocolate and catch up on all the series you didn’t manage to watch over summer, as you were too busy off frolicking somewhere remote in the Swedish nature.

You no longer constantly feel a pressure to actually do something, and you can just exist for the next few months. The flipside of this is that you’re probably going to see a lot less of your friends during autumn and winter, as everyone goes into hibernation before emerging bleary-eyed out of their blanketed, tastefully-lit (by candlelight, of course) caves in spring.

Uteserveringar start to vanish

Sweden’s restaurants and cafes take over half of the pavements in many cities from about April to October with outdoor seating areas or uteserveringar. These are popular not just for the restaurant owners, who are able to double the number of tables on offer for half of the year, but also for customers, who can enjoy an outdoor drink or meal while watching the world go by.

Despite the fact that most of these serving spots are furnished with heaters and blankets (it’s not always actually warm enough to eat outside in Sweden without them, even during summer), most of them end up disappearing once the colder weather really sets in. 

Granted, the city does feel a lot more empty when the outdoor serving areas have disappeared, but it is also quite nice to be able to walk down the street without having to dodge tables for a few months.

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READER INSIGHTS

‘We all cheer each other on’: How we made friends in Sweden

Sweden is often rated as a difficult country to make friends in. We asked those who've been there, done that – or in other words, The Local's readers – how they met their closest friends in Sweden.

'We all cheer each other on': How we made friends in Sweden

“They are so supportive, caring and understanding,” said Erin Swoverland, a reader from the US, about her friends. “We all listen, lift each other up and cheer each other on. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such amazing women in my corner.”

She met most of them at a gym in Stockholm. 

“I attended a Friday training class for women and the rest is history. I will say I think it being a small, independent gym made all the difference as we actually spoke to each other. I haven’t had the same interactions at larger chains,” she said.

Erin was one of dozens of readers who responded to The Local’s question about how they found their friends in Sweden, sparked by a recent survey which showed that 13 percent of foreigners lack a close friend (double the number of Swedes who said the same thing).

A lot of readers alluded to the part-truth, part-stereotype that Swedes tend to compartmentalise their lives and prefer organised fun over spontaneous activities, and one of the classic strategies that always comes up in these discussions is to join some kind of club or society.

The benefit of “organised fun” is that Sweden has a vibrant föreningsliv (literally “association life”), with many people involved in for example their local football club, gaming hub, gardening society, trade union, hiking club, or even just being on the board of their housing association.

“As I always liked cycling, running, badminton, indoor climbing and a few other sports, I found groups on Meetup for such activities. This helped me meet like-minded people. Soon afterwards, some of us started to hang out together for beers or pizzas etc. Thanks to these people we started to invite other people to our gatherings. Finally today, I have a large network of very interesting and close friends (immigrants as well as Swedish friends). When I look back, I realise that it was much easier to get to know people in events having just six to eight people. If you go in a large group setting it is difficult to meet people as splinter groups start getting formed,” said a Pakistani reader.

“I have been in Sweden for over 15 years now. During this time our close friendship network has just increased. Like any friends, we fight and argue at times, but at the same time I know that my friends care about me. I feel at home in Sweden with this circle of friends.”

He wasn’t the only one who suggested joining a society (although one reader cautioned against “survivorship bias” and pointed out that not everyone manages to turn up at event and immediately make friends). Even if you don’t join a traditional club, readers recommended plenty of other networking opportunities, including sites or friendship apps such as Meetup, Bumble BFF, Panion and GoFrendly.

Nathan Lloyd, a Welshman in Malmö, recommends networking meetups, even if they’re not directly relevant to your own field, as well as Facebook groups. He met his best friend, Brian, via Grindr – not the only one we’ve heard of who made platonic friends on dating apps.

“He’s truly my best friend. Been friends for over six years,” he said. “We enjoy loppising together, going out in nature, birdwatching and art, a major thing we bonded over. He’s been there through highs and lows and helped me in emergency situations when I’ve needed someone.”

Nathan Lloyd, centre, with his friend, Brian, and partner, Tom, at the Konstrundan art weekend in southern Sweden. Photo: Private

Not being afraid of putting yourself out there and making the first move was another tip that came up in the survey, with many describing Swedes as warm friends – perhaps even surprisingly warm – once you break through the shell.

“First and foremost, don’t try too hard. Best friends are the organic ones that come in your life at the moments you don’t expect. Be open and give a shot to those who seem to be more open. Swedes who have been abroad frequently are exceptionally more pleasant to keep around,” said Hadi from Iran, who first moved to Sweden in 2010 and now lives in the south of the country.

OPINION:

Peter, a reader who works at Lund University in southern Sweden, befriended his new neighbour after knocking on their door to ask if he could use their wifi until he managed to get his own.

“We have been very good friends ever since, even after I moved to another town. I find Swedes to be very friendly in general, but sometimes I need to make the first effort,” he said.

Robert Blomstrand, a born Swede who lived most of his life abroad, says he and his South African wife, Vanessa, met amazing friends in church and were surprised by their warmth and care.

“Through this we learned Swedish and had many wonderful Swedish experiences (sailing, meals, celebrations). Still very good friends,” he said.

Robert Blomstrand’s friends on a sailing trip to the Gothenburg archipelago. Photo: Private

Ioannis, based in southern Stockholm, said he met most of his friends through university or work and then made sure that the friendships were maintained after studies finished or work changed.

“Important first step was to accept that it is me, the one that has to make an effort. Then show interest in others, learn about who they are and how they are like. Share experiences with them, also offer help and support and ask for help and support. Independence and individualism can be an obstacle in creating social bonds. Make the effort, without expecting same returns. Give it time.”

“I believe that if you want a friend, you have to be a friend first,” said Jeremiah from the US. “My friends are people who were willing to invest in a building a relationship because they didn’t have them locally. We connected over the shared experience of being displaced and learning how to adult again. The connections grew because we had other shared interests, were willing to spend more time together, and were willing to help each other.”

“Focus on finding people who like doing things that you enjoy, like going to museums, movies, etc,” said a Stockholm-based reader, who made friends with his colleague after inviting him to a drag show at the Abba Museum.

“It’s so much easier to make friends during the things you like. Like any relationship, don’t try and rush it,” he added. “Just continue to reach out for times to hang out, and be OK with them not always saying yes the first time. We’re all busy. I also found it easier to make friends with folks, particularly Swedes, who weren’t from Stockholm (or whatever city you’re living in) as they generally have smaller networks/ open to make new friends in Stockholm.

Several readers expressed sadness that they hadn’t made any Swedish friends and that all their friends were fellow foreigners.

“I made friends through work (international company) and from my country of origin. I don’t have any Swedish friends even though I have been living in Stockholm for 15 years,” said a Colombian reader.

Some readers, however, argued that it isn’t necessarily strange, or a negative, that foreigners end up with foreigners, as you share similar experiences. Having a community with people you feel close to and have something in common with matters more than who they are.

“Close friendships are built because you share some experiences in life. I was an immigrant in Sweden, hence like all immigrants in Sweden I faced many issues time after time, for example issues related to visa or bank accounts,” said the Pakistani reader from the start of the article. “It is much easier to connect with people when you share similar issues. Don’t be afraid to talk about your experiences. This helps to bring us closer.”

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