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Foreigners in Sweden share their stories of family reunions after pandemic separation

The pandemic has kept cross-border families apart, meaning loved ones have not only gone without usual visits but also missed out on occasions like births and deaths. Foreign residents of Sweden told The Local what it's been like to be reunited.

Published: 6 August 2021 11:36 CEST
Updated: 12 August 2021 11:39 CEST
Foreigners in Sweden share their stories of family reunions after pandemic separation
Corinne and her grandmother. Photo: Private

‘I saw my 94-year-old grandmother after two years’

Corinne, a French-English-American project manager, says one of the motivations for moving back to Europe from the US was to see her grandmother in southern France more often, but the pandemic put that on hold.

“We haven’t lived in the same place for my whole life but I usually managed a visit a year, especially as she has got older. This was the first time since I was very little that I hadn’t seen her at least once a year. It was strange. At 94 it feels like we lost almost two years of contact or at least two if not three visits. She got vaccinated in early 2021 but we waited until we had also received at least one shot and the numbers [of newly reported infections in Sweden and France] had gone down. Making the rules more clear about what you needed (at the time a PCR test) made it much easier.”

‘Reunited with my Swedish wife-to-be’

Ryan, a professional YouTuber in the US, met his fiancée online and they have been engaged for two years but spent 17 months and one day apart due to the pandemic.

“I flew to Sweden to meet her for the first time in May 2018 and we spent five magical days in Stockholm together. From that day on, whenever we were apart, we would be on an iPad call. If not the iPad, then a phone call.

“We then began flying back and forth to each other, her visiting me in America, and me staying with her and her family in Sweden. We were used to the separation after a while because I could only stay in Sweden for three months at a time, twice a year, but nothing could have prepared us for Covid.

“At first, it was just like any other time being away from one another. But the restrictions just kept getting extended. Again and again, our hopes of reunification were dashed. While away from one another, we fell asleep with each other on our iPads, watched shows together by counting down to zero so we would be in sync, and spent all the time outside of work with each other on a FaceTime call for the entire time we were apart. When America was added to the exemption list [from Sweden’s entry ban], it felt amazing! Like a weight had been lifted off both our shoulders. Needless to say, it has been an extremely rough time on the both of us, but she is worth every second, minute, hour of my life.”

‘My daughter met my parents for the first time’

Software engineer Srivani, 34, has not been able to see her parents in India since her daughter was born two years ago but finally made the trip this summer.

“There was no change in the travel requirement as India was still a red list country at the time of our travel, however we did travel since both my husband and I have been vaccinated. We have been in constant touch via video calls. My toddler hadn’t met my family in person due to the pandemic, so that was an emotional moment. My daughter had a good time with my parents and in-laws . The pandemic changed our lives in a unusual way. I have never been away from my family so long. I hope and wish things get better soon.”

‘Separation from family is harder since we had our son’

Anna Ramboldt is originally from Minnesota and lives in Linköping with wife Emilia and son Walter. She and Walter were able to travel to the US and see family over summer, though Emilia could not join them due to her employer’s rules about travel and quarantine.

“My son and I were reunited with my parents and sister – and even extended family after a bit of self-quarantine. We have always FaceTimed multiple times a week, but it’s just not the same as being able to see one another in person. I’m thankful for being vaccinated and for the opportunity to be ‘home’ again! It’s been tough. We haven’t been to Minnesota since Christmas 2019 when Walter was barely two years old. Surprisingly, he remembers things about being in Minnesota. The reunion was fantastic! My parents picked up me and my son and he ran into my moms arm’s. Not a dry eye between the four of us. It’s an amazing feeling to see your child reunited with their grandparents after one and a half years!”


Photo: Private

‘I got to see my best friend, but am still separated from my mum as she goes through cancer treatment’

An Coppens, 50, is from Belgium and commuted weekly between Stockholm and London before the pandemic. She is currently planning a trip to meet up with her Belgian parents elsewhere in Europe, and recently saw a close friend in London.

“My best friend and I met for the first time in 18 months this past weekend. We had been to her wedding in Spain 24 months ago and then I had met her a few times since in London when I travelled for work. It was great to be able to talk about the ‘shitshow’ pandemic time.

“She lost her mum to cancer and her husband lost his dad to a stroke [during the pandemic], both had to do things like quarantines on both sides because both are expats living in the UK but with parents in different countries. Because a large part of the conversation was dominated by Covid and what we missed, it felt so different to a normal catch-up. We talked about the big important things like death, disease, goals and motivations. It was beautiful to see her and her husband and have real human contact outside of my partner’s family. They are lovely, but it isn’t the same of having your own people around. I do feel as if I have become more introverted as a result of the pandemic.

“My mum was diagnosed with cancer and in a normal year, I would have gone over to stay with her and help out. All I could do was call frequently and I made a deal with a local florist to send her flowers every two weeks because she loves being out in her garden and she loves flower arranging and didn’t have the energy to do it. She has since come through her radiotherapy and operations as a cancer survivor. But for us it has been a scary time and the feeling of helplessness that you can’t do anything at all was the most frustrating. We will now finally get to see my parents after two years of meeting online only. We are planning a 10-day trip together in Portugal in September. Having booked the flights and with the arrangements being put together, it is starting to feel real.”

Thanks to all the readers who responded to our survey to share their stories. Some responses were edited for length or clarity.

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READER INSIGHTS

‘We all cheer each other on’: How we made friends in Sweden

Sweden is often rated as a difficult country to make friends in. We asked those who've been there, done that – or in other words, The Local's readers – how they met their closest friends in Sweden.

Published: 26 April 2024 10:43 CEST
Updated: 29 April 2024 06:43 CEST
'We all cheer each other on': How we made friends in Sweden

“They are so supportive, caring and understanding,” said Erin Swoverland, a reader from the US, about her friends. “We all listen, lift each other up and cheer each other on. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such amazing women in my corner.”

She met most of them at a gym in Stockholm. 

“I attended a Friday training class for women and the rest is history. I will say I think it being a small, independent gym made all the difference as we actually spoke to each other. I haven’t had the same interactions at larger chains,” she said.

Erin was one of dozens of readers who responded to The Local’s question about how they found their friends in Sweden, sparked by a recent survey which showed that 13 percent of foreigners lack a close friend (double the number of Swedes who said the same thing).

A lot of readers alluded to the part-truth, part-stereotype that Swedes tend to compartmentalise their lives and prefer organised fun over spontaneous activities, and one of the classic strategies that always comes up in these discussions is to join some kind of club or society.

The benefit of “organised fun” is that Sweden has a vibrant föreningsliv (literally “association life”), with many people involved in for example their local football club, gaming hub, gardening society, trade union, hiking club, or even just being on the board of their housing association.

“As I always liked cycling, running, badminton, indoor climbing and a few other sports, I found groups on Meetup for such activities. This helped me meet like-minded people. Soon afterwards, some of us started to hang out together for beers or pizzas etc. Thanks to these people we started to invite other people to our gatherings. Finally today, I have a large network of very interesting and close friends (immigrants as well as Swedish friends). When I look back, I realise that it was much easier to get to know people in events having just six to eight people. If you go in a large group setting it is difficult to meet people as splinter groups start getting formed,” said a Pakistani reader.

“I have been in Sweden for over 15 years now. During this time our close friendship network has just increased. Like any friends, we fight and argue at times, but at the same time I know that my friends care about me. I feel at home in Sweden with this circle of friends.”

He wasn’t the only one who suggested joining a society (although one reader cautioned against “survivorship bias” and pointed out that not everyone manages to turn up at event and immediately make friends). Even if you don’t join a traditional club, readers recommended plenty of other networking opportunities, including sites or friendship apps such as Meetup, Bumble BFF, Panion and GoFrendly.

Nathan Lloyd, a Welshman in Malmö, recommends networking meetups, even if they’re not directly relevant to your own field, as well as Facebook groups. He met his best friend, Brian, via Grindr – not the only one we’ve heard of who made platonic friends on dating apps.

“He’s truly my best friend. Been friends for over six years,” he said. “We enjoy loppising together, going out in nature, birdwatching and art, a major thing we bonded over. He’s been there through highs and lows and helped me in emergency situations when I’ve needed someone.”

Nathan Lloyd, centre, with his friend, Brian, and partner, Tom, at the Konstrundan art weekend in southern Sweden. Photo: Private

Not being afraid of putting yourself out there and making the first move was another tip that came up in the survey, with many describing Swedes as warm friends – perhaps even surprisingly warm – once you break through the shell.

“First and foremost, don’t try too hard. Best friends are the organic ones that come in your life at the moments you don’t expect. Be open and give a shot to those who seem to be more open. Swedes who have been abroad frequently are exceptionally more pleasant to keep around,” said Hadi from Iran, who first moved to Sweden in 2010 and now lives in the south of the country.

OPINION:

Peter, a reader who works at Lund University in southern Sweden, befriended his new neighbour after knocking on their door to ask if he could use their wifi until he managed to get his own.

“We have been very good friends ever since, even after I moved to another town. I find Swedes to be very friendly in general, but sometimes I need to make the first effort,” he said.

Robert Blomstrand, a born Swede who lived most of his life abroad, says he and his South African wife, Vanessa, met amazing friends in church and were surprised by their warmth and care.

“Through this we learned Swedish and had many wonderful Swedish experiences (sailing, meals, celebrations). Still very good friends,” he said.

Robert Blomstrand’s friends on a sailing trip to the Gothenburg archipelago. Photo: Private

Ioannis, based in southern Stockholm, said he met most of his friends through university or work and then made sure that the friendships were maintained after studies finished or work changed.

“Important first step was to accept that it is me, the one that has to make an effort. Then show interest in others, learn about who they are and how they are like. Share experiences with them, also offer help and support and ask for help and support. Independence and individualism can be an obstacle in creating social bonds. Make the effort, without expecting same returns. Give it time.”

“I believe that if you want a friend, you have to be a friend first,” said Jeremiah from the US. “My friends are people who were willing to invest in a building a relationship because they didn’t have them locally. We connected over the shared experience of being displaced and learning how to adult again. The connections grew because we had other shared interests, were willing to spend more time together, and were willing to help each other.”

“Focus on finding people who like doing things that you enjoy, like going to museums, movies, etc,” said a Stockholm-based reader, who made friends with his colleague after inviting him to a drag show at the Abba Museum.

“It’s so much easier to make friends during the things you like. Like any relationship, don’t try and rush it,” he added. “Just continue to reach out for times to hang out, and be OK with them not always saying yes the first time. We’re all busy. I also found it easier to make friends with folks, particularly Swedes, who weren’t from Stockholm (or whatever city you’re living in) as they generally have smaller networks/ open to make new friends in Stockholm.

Several readers expressed sadness that they hadn’t made any Swedish friends and that all their friends were fellow foreigners.

“I made friends through work (international company) and from my country of origin. I don’t have any Swedish friends even though I have been living in Stockholm for 15 years,” said a Colombian reader.

Some readers, however, argued that it isn’t necessarily strange, or a negative, that foreigners end up with foreigners, as you share similar experiences. Having a community with people you feel close to and have something in common with matters more than who they are.

“Close friendships are built because you share some experiences in life. I was an immigrant in Sweden, hence like all immigrants in Sweden I faced many issues time after time, for example issues related to visa or bank accounts,” said the Pakistani reader from the start of the article. “It is much easier to connect with people when you share similar issues. Don’t be afraid to talk about your experiences. This helps to bring us closer.”

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