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Kvartetten DEO – Petter Northug
Who’s strong, who’s fast, who’s hard as steel?
Who’s best and always crosses the line first?
Who gets to hear the crowd roar?
Our hero Petter Northug!
And he lives his life by a philosophy
Of taking to the track with a wolfish scowl
Only to reveal in the sprint that he’s really a swine
Our hero Petter Northug!
He’s as handsome as a Greek Adonis, oh yes
All the girls are captivated.
For daily use and formal attire, he always wears a Norwegian cardigan
Sewn from the skin of polar bears
And his manly body bears a scent of tar
Paint thinner, oil, hard liquor and rust.
When he sleeps in the mountains of Svalbard
His chest hair is coated with frost
And when mere mortals have retired and the hour is late
He’s out chopping wood, hunting elk and carrying rocks
(Lots of rocks).
He has style, he has grace, he has heroism
And his chin is the size of a country shed
He has liquor and petroleum in his blood
And he’s steady as a pine trunk.
When Statoil’s oil prognosis fell apart
Well, our ski king really lost his temper
Slammed his fist on the bottom of the Skagerrak strait
Causing the oil to flow once more.
(Wax, wax, re-wax, re-wax etc.)
As a baby, Petter was the real deal
Spitting out tobacco and clubbing seals
When he turned eight
He had a hairy thigh
Clad in fur like Shere Khan
Even in the spring of his youth:
Bearded like a Taliban
And it’s said that he once wrestled with God
And won the bout without breaking a sweat.
He makes generations of men go from being
Heteros to homosexuals
And with his two-day stubble he can polish
Even the rustiest of scrap vehicles.
When he heads out to hunt whales in his Viking ship
He uses a net
And he only eats chili, wasabi and meat
He doesn’t even cry during Bambi when the mother dies
(She dies).
With a washboard solid as sub-volcanic rock
And a stare that can cut through Plexiglas
And a voice of rumbling infra-bass
Our hero Petter Northug!
He’s the man who’s idolized everywhere
He’s loved by each Russian, Inuit, and Baltic dweller
The entire cosmos proclaims it thousandfold:
Our hero Petter Northug is
Powerful as an emperor of steel
(A man of cast iron and his…)
His victory cry, loud as a male lion’s roar
(He roars loudly and he…)
He is a god among gods and a man
Who can do everything
A true hero
A Don Juan
A king
He’s the one who’ll make you
Weak at the knees and give you butterflies in your stomach
Northug is super strong and utterly bizarre
(He can do kung fu and judo)
Not to mention the fact that he’s a whizz on guitar
(He strums the axe and his…)
His muscles are so flexed
What a guy (he’s everyone’s dad)
He’s got it all (got all the answers)
And the way he skis (he keeps nothing in reserve)
A ski Barbarian (a real man). Yes, he’s
Petter Northug, hero of heroes
Bloody Norwegian, this is your fanfare!
(Wax, wax, re-wax, re-wax etc.)
Translation: The Local
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