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SWISS HABITS

The jokes that prove the Swiss have a sense of humour

The Swiss may not have a reputation for being funny but they actually have a great sense of humour. The Local compiled some jokes and funny quotes about Switzerland for our readers’ enjoyment.

Published: 5 February 2021 16:48 CET
Updated: 27 July 2023 10:10 CEST
A woman laughing
Is Switzerland funny? Yes! Photo by Jamie Brown on Unsplash

The Swiss have a reputation for being staid and humourless, but this stereotype – like many others in Switzerland – is not necessarily true.

Whether making the jokes themselves or hearing them from someone else, (most) Swiss people love a laugh at their own expense. 

Don’t believe us? Here are some jokes that even the Swiss will laugh at.

“What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?”

“Well, the flag is a big plus”.

A man carrying a big bag walks into a Swiss bank.

He goes up to the window and whispers to the teller: “I have one million francs in this bag.”

The teller says: “There’s no need to whisper, sir. Poverty is nothing to be ashamed of.”

During WW1, Switzerland had 250,000 soldiers.

The German Kaiser asked the Swiss ambassador in Berlin: “What would Switzerland do if I invaded with 500,000 soldiers?”

The ambassador replied: “Shoot twice and go home.”

NATO was planning to hold military exercises in Switzerland and asked the Swiss Army to borrow their tanks.

“Sure,” a Swiss General said. “Is one enough or do you need all two?”

An English boy, a French girl and a Swiss girl were discussing where babies come from:

“It’s the stork”, said the English boy, “he brings them in a sling”.

“Babies in France are found among the cabbages”, said the French girl. “How is it in Switzerland?”

“It depends on the canton”, the Swiss girl replied.

Two members of the Swiss army got into a knife fight…

Then a corkscrew fight, then a tweezer fight, then a bottle opener fight…

Why is Swiss cheese the official dairy product of the Vatican?

It’s the holiest of cheeses. 

A group of Swiss enjoy a joke and the nice weather. Image: AFP

Question: Where is the capital of Zimbabwe?

Answer: In a Swiss bank account.

And: you know you’re Swiss when…

You spit out Belgian chocolate in disgust.

You make reservations to see a movie.

You’re surprised when you’re not delayed by roadworks. 

You think spontaneity is OK, but only if it’s planned.

You talk to your garden gnomes. 

You make an appointment to do your own laundry in your own apartment building. 

And here are some funny things famous people said about Switzerland.

“Switzerland would be a mighty big place if it were ironed flat.” — Mark Twain

“I don’t like Switzerland; it has produced nothing but theologians and waiters.” – Oscar Wilde

“Switzerland is a curst, selfish, swinish country of brutes, placed in the most romantic region of the world.” – Lord Byron

“Switzerland is a country where very few things begin, but many things end.  — F. Scott Fitzgerald

“Switzerland is a fine place to be born and die in, but what is there to do in between?” — Source unknown

Didn’t find any of these jokes funny? Well congratulations, your integration is complete!

Member comments

  3. “If opposites really DO attract, why doesn’t Switzerland have a second mountain called Doesn’t-Matter-horn ?”

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SWITZERLAND EXPLAINED

Why German-speaking Swiss cantons pay money to the French-speaking ones

Nearly every one of Switzerland’s French-speaking cantons will be receiving financial support from German-speaking cantons in 2025. How does this happen, and why is there such a wealth disparity between the two language groups?

Published: 26 June 2024 14:38 CEST
Why German-speaking Swiss cantons pay money to the French-speaking ones

As outlined in annual data published by the Federal Finance Administration this week, six of the seven cantons where French is recognized as an official language will be receiving support from German-speaking cantons in 2025.

Geneva will the the sole exception – in fact, it’s contributing. 

Overall, 18 out of Switzerland’s 26 cantons will receive money and 8 will pay out to other cantons. In all the total transfer between cantons next year will add up to 6.2 billion Swiss francs.

Valais will be receiving the most financial support per number of residents – 2,469 francs per capita, followed by Jura at 2,229 francs and Neuchâtel at 1,818 francs per capita. 

The three cantons contributing the most – Zug (CHF 3,321 per capita), Schwyz (CHF 1,520) and Nidwalden (CHF 1,081) all recognise German as an official language. The other contributing cantons are Zurich, Geneva, Basel-CIty, Obwalden and Shaffhausen. 

Image: Federal Finance Administration

Why are cantons redistributing funds?

For decades each of Switzerland’s 26 cantons was able to hold onto the entirety of the taxes levied at the cantonal level, under the country’s devolved administration. 

This changed in 2008 when the Federal Council introduced the national financial equalisation mechanism, which had two purposes – reducing inequality in wealth between the country’s cantons, and ensuring that each could fulfil their responsibilities at the same level. 

Essentially some cantons (see below) take in far more in tax receipts than others and the mechanism is aimed at reducing the inequality that creates.

The redistribution also allows cantons to pay for public services which are harder to provide in certain parts of Switzerland than others, due to geographical challenges such as the Alps.

Using a complicated formula that has undergone several revisions, the cantons giving and taking funds are identified, before funds are distributed each year. 

READ MORE: EXPLAINED: Why Switzerland’s cantons are so powerful

So why are German-speaking cantons subsidising French-speaking ones? 

The distribution of specific industries and businesses within Switzerland’s cantons plays a significant role in the disparity. 

The German-speaking cantons of Zug, Nidwalden and Schwyz, who will contribute the most, are each significant centres of economic activity across multiple sectors.

Approximately eight percent of the country’s GDP is generated between these three cantons and it has seen dramatic growth over the past decade.

These three cantons also feature the highest overall concentration of startups in Switzerland, with Zug (13.7 per 1000 residents) in the lead, followed by Schwyz (6.07) and Nidwalden (4.42). 

Additionally, it’s also worth noting that ‘Crypto Valley’ – the concentration of cryptocurrency and blockchain businesses focused on the canton of Zug – is worth approximately $611.81 billion (CHF 548 billion). 

In comparison, many of the cantons receiving funds, in Switzerland’s French-speaking west feature a more specialized economy. 

For example, the cantons of Vaud and Valais, Jura and Neuchâtel are home to a significant proportion of Switzerland’s farms. 

Neuchâtel and Jura also have economies that are focused towards watchmaking and precision engineering. 

READ MORE: EXPLAINED: Why is Switzerland so famous for watches?

There have been efforts to diversify the economies of these cantons and embrace developing industries, such as the life sciences-focused ‘Health Valley’ and autonomous vehicle ‘Drone Valley’ initiatives, centered on the country’s west but these are still in their early years. 

Cantons set own tax rates

This leads to the role played by tax policy. 

Under Swiss law, cantons can set their rates of taxation – and they’re able to use it to continuously draw an influx of business and new arrivals. 

Zug (22.2%), Nidwalden (24.2%)  and Schwyz (25.3%) can afford to set some of the country’s most competitive individual tax rates, as opposed to Valais (36.5%), Jura (39.0%) and Neuachtel (38.1%). 

While not as wide a gulf, the company tax rates for Zug (11.85%), Nidwalden (11.97%) and Schwyz (14.6%) make them a far more attractive investment proposition than Valais (17.12%) and Jura (16.0%). 

Such competitive rates are possible because these ‘richer’ cantons have a wider economic base, diversified across several sectors.

This ensures greater resilience and a continual draw of new arrivals and enterprises, more so than cantons where one particular industry dominates and is subject to fluctuations from outside factors.

So does it run smoothly?

There is a fine balance to strike in the redistribution formula.

“The greater the support given to resource-poor cantons, the lower their incentive to seek to increase their tax base, and the more the resource-rich cantons have to hand over, the less the incentive to enlarge theirs,” Andreas Stöckli of the University of Fribourg told Swiss Info.

In other words the transfer from cantons that tax-attractive to those that are less tax-attractive needs to be well-balanced.

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