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DATING

How to tackle online dating in France

French may be the language of love, but finding love in France is as difficult as finding love anywhere. Here's a simple guide to taking your first online dating steps in France.

Published: 12 February 2020 13:30 CET
Updated: 21 August 2023 16:42 CEST
How to tackle online dating in France
Looking for someone to snog in front of the Eiffel Tower? Maybe try online. Photo: AFP

Standing looking all doe-eyed underneath the Eiffel Tower is sadly more likely to produce a bunion than Cupid’s arrow. And, even if you did see an attractive stranger, chances are they will just take a selfie and then leave before you’d muster up the courage up to say “hello”.

This is an evolving human condition: we are becoming increasingly reluctant to start conversations with people we haven’t known our whole lives. We prefer to know what is their favourite colour and if they’re allergic to cats before we actually dare to speak.

So how to solve the dilemma? Where can you go to meet your future soulmate? Is online dating in France as much of a can of worms as elsewhere? Yes, of course it is. 

READ ALSO Jealousy and steel balls: My year of dating in France

Tinder

Tinder is Tinder wherever you go in the world. It might be your cup of tea, and we have all heard of the friend of a friend of a friend who has met someone they married on Tinder. And there are still more members than any other dating app, so plenty to choose from. But there is no avoiding the fact that many people do still use it predominantly to find a one night stand (ONS).

So if you want something that will not involve a walk of shame the next morning, the good news is that there are plenty of choices for everyone in France.

OKCupid

One very popular international option that has a reputation of not just being about ONS (see how quickly we get down with the kids) is OkCupid.

The method is simple, the site asks you lots of questions – do you want to settle down and have kids right now, is your ideal first date in a forest or a city, what do you think about the death penalty, do you like to eat Italian food… – and then finds your closest matches.

It will send you emails with likely lads and lasses, but you can also peruse the site and see who has messaged you. Annoyingly, it doesn’t tell you when they have messaged you. So, if you only discover their message a month later, they may have already moved on.

Meetic

If you feel confident enough in your written French, one of the most successful online dating apps in France is Meetic.

Like many dating sites, Meetic offers a free service and an upgraded paying one. Reviews on this site are quite mixed, it has so many members that obviously some of them are not exactly who they might appear to be in their pictures. But it will be a chance to meet actual French people and improve your French.

(Not to be confused with MeetUp, which is a handy site for finding people who share your interests or making friends while new in a city but is aimed at platonic friendships).

AdopteUnMec

Another local site with a slightly odd name is AdopteunMec. What? Does anyone actually want to adopt a guy? Even fostering seems too much of a commitment when you haven’t even met them yet.

The idea here is a twist on the tried and tested formula. Here the radical idea is that the women take the lead. And isn’t it about time? This applies specifically to heterosexual matches where the woman needs to make the first contact with their matched male. In same-sex matches, either person can make the first move.

Bumble

The truth is women still have it too easy when it comes to opening gambits in the tangled world of online dating (and, let’s admit it, offline dating), lazily relying on the suitor to come wooing. Well, enough of that, it is 2023, time for women to put their hearts on the line, to get creative and funny (but not too funny as that can make you seem weird) and – can you believe it – send the first message. The international equivalent of Adopte un Mec is is Bumble.

Once

Of course, online dating problems begin even before you get to trying to impress someone with your wit. The abundance of choice is one of the surprising deterrents. Sometimes you open your app and there are just too many faces, too many unread messages and you feel weary at just the thought of all that swiping.

Well, one new French website is paring the whole process down with what they are intriguingly calling ‘slow dating’. Rather than deluge you with choice, Once will suggest one personally selected match for your every day at noon. Just one! You will both see each other’s profile at the same time and then you have 24 hours to make a move. If you don’t, that person will disappear forever – or unless you happen to live in the same neighbourhood and see each other at the supermarket the next day, which may indeed have happened to the journalist writing this article.

Once Again

Once has also branched out to tackle a very active dating market with Once Again, dating for the over-50s. As Jean Meyer, founder of Once and Once Again, points out: “Meeting new people for people over 50 has so far been limited on the web. Slow dating is perfect for this population for whom the quality of encounters is more important than quantity. When you are over 50 years old, you don’t ‘like’ 1,000 profiles and hope that one of them will agree to have a drink within the hour.”

Disons Demain

There is also a more traditional website for the 50+s called Disons Demain. It is an offshoot of the aforementioned site Meetic and is hugely popular.

Happn

But what if you already fancy someone? What if you exchange glances with a handsome stranger every morning on the Metro, how do you develop that? Of course, you could take the old fashioned route and just start a conversation. But maybe he’s already involved with someone and is not actually looking at you admiringly but with a tinge of fear? The good news is that there is an app for this.

Developed in France, happn is one of many location-based dating apps. Its twist, however, is that it will tell you about people whose paths you actually cross in real life. If that man on the Metro is also using the app, then fate will get a little helping hand.

It’s true that this app does also have somewhat worrying potential to aid stalking and is probably more likely to lead to a hook-up rather than The Love of Your Life. But, who knows, it might also help you with that awkward first conversation.

Or you could just get a dog, they will love you forever.

French online dating vocabulary:

SLT: “Salut” or simply, “Hey.”

CC: Coucou, the most boring first line ever.

DISPO? Simply means “available?” This is not necessarily a hook-up term, but let’s be honest that’s normally the case.

T CHO? Literally, “tu est chaud,” or “are you horny?” A classic of the genre.

REEL? Are you looking for a real encounter or just to chat?

TES TRIPS? What are you into? What gets you going?

TU CH? Literally a shortening of “Tu cherches?” or “You’re looking?” this is a way to ask if someone is looking for anything in particular, namely, sex.

SSR: “Sex sans risque” = Safe sex. The opposite is “Sans capote” = without the little hat. ie no condom.

MDR: Not a specifically dating term, but one that you might need to lighten a heavy moment. It literally means “mort de rire”, “dead from laughing”, and is the equivalent of LOL. You might also see people say PTDR (pété de rire or broken with laughter).

JTM: If you get this, you’re on to a good thing. “Je t’aime” – he’s telling you he loves you!

PARTOUZE: Group fun. Orgy. Unlikely to be your future soulmate.

DTF – Even though the abbreviation has the same letters as the sordid English one used in the online dating world, the French term just means ‘anyway’ (De toute façon). That being said, if you sense that the person on the other side of your screen is implying something else, be sure to double check what they really mean to say.

Se tenir au jus – This means ‘to keep each other posted’. If you are hesitant to set a date for plans, you might say ‘je vais te tenir au jus’ (I’ll keep you posted). 

Plan cul – Technically this translates to ‘sex plan’ but it basically means friends with benefits. If a person tells you they are looking for this, then they are not looking for romantic attachment but rather a physical/sexual relationship.

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FRANCE EXPLAINED

Why are berets so synonymous with France?

If you walk by a tourist shop in Paris, the chances are very high that they will have a full assortment of berets to choose from. But why is this fashion choice even associated with France?

Published: 13 May 2024 14:36 CEST
Why are berets so synonymous with France?

If you were to believe the TV shows and movies about France’s capital, everyone in the city owns a beret, drives a moped, smokes cigarettes, and carries baguettes under their armpits.

While some of these stereotypes might be more true than others (hint: baguette transportation), the anglophone world has been convinced that berets never go out of style.

READ MORE: Baguettiquette: Weird things the French do with bread

These days, a person walking around Paris in a beret is just as likely – if not more likely – to be a tourist than a French person.

That being said, the English-speaking world does have good reason to associate berets with the French.

The word beret is thought to be of Gallic (pre-French) origins, dating all the way back to the Romans, though similar styles of headgear have been found in archeological sites across the ancient world.

Officially, beret begins to appear in the French dictionary around the 15th century, and by the 19th century the waterproof headgear had become popular.

Napoleon associated them with the Basque country and the Pyrenees, though different versions of berets were worn across the French countryside, including the people who would go on to be known as ‘onion johnnies’ in Brittany.

French Onion Johnnies

Brits have a specific reason to associate the French with berets, according to writer Margo Lestz with the Curious Rambler blog.

From the mid-1800s to mid-1900s, it was common for Brits to see French men in berets, riding bicycles and carrying onions.

“These beret-wearing, onion-laden cyclists arrived in the UK every summer to peddle their wares. They came from the area around Roscoff, Brittany in western France. This area was (and still is) known for its special pink onions. They were sweet, had a long storage life – and the British loved them.

“As it happened, many of these onion-sellers were called Yann, a common Breton name which is the equivalent of Jean in French and John in English. The British soon took to calling them “Onion Johnnies”. The Johnnies didn’t mind and happily adopted their new English nickname.

“They would go door to door from July through December across the UK, then would return to Brittany. Since the Onion Johnnies were the only contact that many Brits had with a Frenchman, they naturally assumed that all Frenchmen wore berets,” Lestz wrote.

READ MORE: Why we think the French all wear berets and carry onions

Military gear to street fashion and revolutions

Another reason we associate the French with berets has to do with official military uniforms. Beginning in the 1880s and continuing into World War I, France’s Chasseurs Alpins, infantry soldiers the Alps, began to wear berets as part of their uniform. 

Aloïs Guinut, the author of the book ‘Dress like a Parisian’ told 20 Minutes that “Shepherds wore them first, then soldiers, schoolchildren, and then golfers, mountaineers, and even cyclists adopted it.”

Guinut said that once the headwear became popular with athletes, it started to became stylish in general.

“Gabrielle ‘Coco’ Chanel was one of the first to use it as a fashion accessory in the 1930s,” Guinot explained, noting that around that time French cinema was growing in popularity, and more French actresses were sporting berets, including the leading lady Michele Morgan in the film ‘Le Quai des Brumes’.

READ MORE: Where does the ‘romantic, sexy French’ stereotype come from?

By the 1940s, berets were so connected to French identity that they became an essential accessory for the resistance during World War II.

Afterwards, other resistance movements began to incorporate berets too, including the revolutionary Che Guevara.

What about now?

Several military uniforms across the world include berets, including parts of the French military like paratroopers and the French foreign legion.

As for Parisians, “there are [some] who do wear berets. I see them regularly. But it’s true that tourists love wearing berets when they visit Paris, so it is a bit of a tourist accessory,” Guinut said.

It continues to be part of the ‘Parisienne’ appearance as luxury fashion companies use it in their yearly collections – like Dior in 2017.

Meanwhile, tourist shops play up the beret, while pop culture continues to give us images of the beret-wearing Frenchwoman – most recently, Emily in Paris, with the main character frequently accesorising with a bright red beret.

Let us know what you think about berets in the comments below. Do you consider them stylish?

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