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LIVING IN FRANCE

How to make friends with your French neighbours in rural France

One of the biggest challenges of moving to rural France is the task of making friends with the French locals, something seen as essential to helping new arrivals settle. Here are some tips from those who have done it.

How to make friends with your French neighbours in rural France
This view taken on October 27, 2021, shows walkers on a path in Alsace's vineyards on an autumn day, near the village of Bergbieten, eastern France. (Photo by FREDERICK FLORIN / AFP)

Settling into an antique stone and timber home overlooking vineyards or rolling fields a short walk from the boulangerie in the nearby village sounds the idyllic lifestyle for foreigners who move to the French countryside. 

But for some the dream however, can quickly turn sour with many pointing to the difficulties of making friends with the locals as one of the factors for why the move to la France Profonde can go awry.

Many who have made a successful new life in rural France point to how important it is to try and integrate with the French locals, even if it’s just someone to have a brief chat with or someone to be able to call on in an emergency.

So we asked members of the Facebook group Expat Life in France to share their tips for how to make friends with their Gallic neighbours.

Many suggested the simple idea of popping over and introducing yourself to your neighbours, preferably taking something sweet with you and your best small-talk game. Even if your French is limited it’s always, always, worth making the effort.

Others said it’s important to simply invite the neighbors over for a coffee or an apéro or even a meal if you are brave enough. And look out for any official village apéros or other social occasions. Make sure you have the right array of drinks in. Just beer probably won’t do.

Other foreigners living happily in rural France said to make a few local friends, even a simple act such as walking around the village or town, at least a couple of times a week could work to make your face a familiar one with the locals.

Caroline Tatlow said she walks around the village twice a day with her dog and makes sure to say “bonjour” to everyone she meets.

“I use the village shops, hairdressers, beauty therapist, café etc. I have met so many people and, ok sometimes it’s just a quick bonjour other times I can say to my husband “just popping out to get a baguette” (a five minute walk) and be gone an hour!” she added. 

The most common advice was to get involved in a local social activity. 

“Volunteer to help with your “Committee de Fête”. We found this the best way to get to know your neighbours and integrate,” Karen Lea said.

Janine Marsh who runs the website The Good Life France told The Local previously that “Most Town Halls will hold fêtes and they are always looking for help. These are often organized by mums with babies, who have access to a wide network of people.”

And if you have kids, don’t be afraid to get involved with the local French school. It’s an easier place to meet some friends and local parents and also to find some support if you’re new to the French school system.  

Drinking wine or cognac or any other kind of tipple counts as an activity right?

One of the most popular social lubricants can be a simple beer at your local pub.

Kaye Day said “to get down to the local bar and buy them a drink – works every time.”

Or be prepared to be invited over for a drink.

As Claire Naisbitt said “I rarely drink in bars in France, they seem to prefer a few verres around a kitchen table. I literally have to sneak past my neighbours house to avoid being dragged in to share a bottle.”

Journalist and author Helena Frith-Powell, who has written extensively about France suggested “One thing I think that really helps is to get involved in local issues.”

So if there is a local campaign against anew wind farm or the closure of a rail station then get involved in the fight.

If you’re not into drinking, not to worry there are lots of other activities on the countryside — take cycling for example. Many villages or towns will have a local club.

If you’re interested in getting outside and being active this could be a great way to meet people and get a little exercise.

Also, if you don’t speak French this could be a nice way to ease into it, since there’s not a lot of speaking whilst cycling especially if you’re going up hill.

Others mentioned joining a local club whether cycling, running or archery. And there’s pétanque.

There are lots of clubs and parks where locals play pétanque, especially in the south. Pétanque is a very common in the countryside of France, and while many people go to play it’s also a way to socialize.

Several foreigners living in the countryside mentioned one of the best ways to meet locals in rural France is going to a local sports game. “

“Just go and watch your local football or rugby team, there is normally a bar for half time and after the match,” Gillian Maguire said. “And they will organise events during the year (which is a) good way to get involved.”

Or get a dog. 

Many who have made rural France their home said they get stopped all the time by locals while walking their animals.

One wrote “Never knew any of our neighbours until we acquired a Pyrenean Mountain Dog. Now we’re always chatting.”

Speaking of chatting, for many foreigners the obvious barrier to making friends is the language, which many struggle with. 

While knowing bonjour, merci and s’il vous plait might be enough to get you a smile at your local boulangerie, it probably won’t be enough to really help you get integrated with locals, who given where they live, are unlikely to speak English.

Nevertheless the most common advice is to try speaking and learning French with your neighbours because making a small effort can go a long way. 

Try and avoid saying, “parlez vous anglais?” said one respondent.

Karen Kaylee Linscott said she recently started French lessons, and managed to use a few words just after class.

“We always try to use our limited vocabulary, let them know we are learning, and better yet ask them how you say something correctly,” Linscott wrote. “They seem to get so excited when you get it right, especially if it is a new word they taught you.

“I simply cannot believe how nice everyone is and has been in helping us, sometimes we have to drag out Google translate, but most of the time we manage. So I hope we will be able to join in the community.”

Another option is to find a local language exchange. 

That way you can simultaneously meet new people, learn another language and remind yourself that you are actually proficient in another language. 

To find more information on language exchanges near you, have a look at Franglish. Really you should be trying to learn French from the movement you decide to make the move. Even if it is months of even years away, use the time to arm yourself with some French vocabulary and phrases.

“Learn as much French as you can before, and use it all the time to engage even on a superficial, transactional level,” said Rosamond Bovey.

“Get involved with an organization or civic group that is involved with something that genuinely interests you: France’s art, architectural, musical and literary culture is broad and deep, lots of civic engagement on that level because they are so proud of it, justifiably.”

But some advised it might be a good idea to curb your enthusiasm when it comes to initial conversations with the locals. Anglophones especially can sometimes be very excited when we meet someone new. This can be a little off putting to some French folks who are more on the reserved side. 

Janine Marsh from The Good Life France says when getting to know French people it is important to stick to the formalities until they wear off naturally. “The French can be very private people. I hear people telling me that they are unfriendly, but its not true, they are just private. If they prefer Mr or Mrs then stick to that until the right moment. It doesn’t mean they are being aloof.”

Many respondents pointed out that it’s vital to be up-to-date with French current affairs, so for that you can visit www.thelocal.fr.

All in all, the most common and best advice expats have to make a few local friends in the countryside is to just get out there and try.

by Courtney Anderson

MONEY

Reader insights: Do you really need to carry cash in France?

Even though most purchases in France can be made with a card, cash is still king in some areas. The Local spoke with readers to hear their perspectives on when you should carry cash.

Reader insights: Do you really need to carry cash in France?

According to the Banque de France, as of 2022 half of all payments in France were made using cash, a notable drop from 68 percent in 2019 prior to the Covid-19 pandemic. 

In the Euro zone overall, cash was used in 59 percent of all transactions, compared to 79 percent in 2016. 

On top of that, France saw the number of total ATMs decrease by 5,000 between 2018 to 2021, with more expected to be closed down in the coming years, according to RMC.  

The trend is clear – people are moving from cash to card, but in France, whether or not you need to carry cash with you can depend on where you live and the type of item you want to purchase. 

The Local spoke with readers to hear their thoughts on whether or not cash is still necessary in France, and several noticed that the shift toward cards occurred during the Covid-19 pandemic.

READ MORE: REVEALED: The problems foreigners have getting started in France

Overall, 63 percent said that they still “definitely need to have some cash [on their person]” while only 28.6 percent said they do not carry cash and that the bank card was enough.

Of the readers who said it is necessary to carry cash, most mentioned it as a back-up to card payments, rather than the primary mode of payment.

One reader Carrie said “I like using my card and relying less on cash. That said I always carry some small notes and change for those small purchases / CB minimum spends.”

Another respondent, William, said “[Cards] are convenient but there are times that the system may not accept cards so cash is required.”

As for Adam in Paris, he said “I generally try to have €10 to €20 in my wallet for emergencies, but will use card pretty much exclusively.

“In Paris there are often minimums for cards, ranging from €1 up to €5 or more, in boulangeries, boucheries and traiteurs mostly. I understand it, as the merchants are being hit with card fees, so a small amount doesn’t really work out well for them. The one thing I always need cash for though is the vide-greniers!”

Location

Geography was an important factor. Several readers mentioned the rural-urban divide when it comes to shops with card readers, with bank cards being accepted in most locations in large cities and cash being preferred by small vendors in the countryside. 

One reader, Barbara, said she carries cash “out of habit, as in rural France there is often a minimum charge. In Paris no, but sometimes stopping for a coffee, cash is easy and one can leave a few centimes tip.”

Sandra, in Hautes-Alpes, told The Local that in her area “there are lots of small providers who don’t want to register for a card reader. Therefore they accept cash or French cheques. So it’s advisable always to carry either.”

One reader Carrie said that across the board she carries cash for “bakeries, fruit and vegetable, and markets.”

Plus, she also brings it along for “cafés and taverns (more outside the big cities and in smaller towns and villages). The French do seem to love their coins. More food stores and cafes seem to have introduced CB minimum spends.

“In rural villages and towns we tend to use cash for small purchases like coffee or a cheeky wine. I know some drinks places state up front ‘No CB’ (no carte bleu, or bank card).”

A reader from rural Brittany said: “Smaller local shops like the bakery or butcher don’t accept cards for small purchases (less than €10 to €20).”

Nick in Nice said that “there is often a supposed €5 minimum, but only in smaller places or bars. They will take the card if you really have no cash though.”

While another reader in Nice said “I’ve been told several times that the “machine is broken” only to miraculously work if I say I don’t have cash after a meal. Sometimes I can get a discount if I offer to pay in cash.”

Card minimums

Almost half of the respondents mentioned the importance of carrying around cash in the off-chance the shop requires a minimum payment for smaller purchases, usually of around €5 to €10.

Barbara Edmonds in Maubourguet, in Hautes Pyrénées, said she carries cash primarily for “local shops such as the boulanger and butcher that have minimum card levels of €5.

“Also some market stalls only take cash and the hairdresser only takes cash or cheque.”

Fenella in southern France explained the perspective of a business owner. “I own a bookshop in Antibes. We have a card minimum of €5. It’s not worth taking card for less because of the bank charges we pay, even on contactless.” 

The type of purchase

Regardless of geography, there were a few types of purchases that several readers mentioned consistently needing cash for. These tended to be lower cost items, or those purchased from small or independent shops or stands.

Almost half (22) readers mentioned needing cash for the marché (market) stalls, as well as vide-greniers (second-hand markets). 

Emile in Nice said “only for market do I ensure that I have cash,” and Fenella said “Most market traders here don’t take cards.”

Tipping was a popular reason to carry some coins or cash, as one reader Tad explained, “I like to tip in cash and it’s a safer bet for taxis too. I like having both options.”

READ MORE: How to avoid taxi scams in Paris

Nine readers mentioned needing small amounts of cash for the boulangerie (bakery), while several others mentioned needing it for the local butcher.

Four readers said their doctors, particularly GPs, require cash for payment. “I carry cash. Doctors do not want to pay for card payment charges and neither do I. Cash it will be,” one reader, Carol said.

However, since the advent of the online booking system Doctolib, many doctors have begun accepting card payments, and those registered with the site will soon be part of a new update that allows for payment online via one’s personal account.

READ MORE: France rolls out online payments for doctor’s appointments

As for other cash-only locations, three other readers mentioned bringing cash for small-town hairdressers.

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