In many cultures, caring after babies and very small children is seen as women’s work.

Sweden, though, has long pioneered a more gender-equal approach, with one of the most generous systems of parental leave in the world brought in 50 years ago this year.

In Sweden couples get 480 days of leave to share between them, 390 days of which are based on their salaries, and three months of which are dedicated, use-it-or-lose-it, for each parent (they’re often called the “daddy months”, although in theory they could be claimed by the mother).

In practice, fathers take on average around 30 percent of parental leave and mothers 70 percent.

We asked readers who have taken or decided not to take parental leave in Sweden, about what they feel about the system. 

“A transformative experience”

For Sundarrajan, a software engineer living in Gothenburg, the opportunity to care first for his baby son for seven months and soon for his baby daughter for five months and counting, has been one of the best reasons to move to and stay in Sweden.  

“As a father it gives great opportunity for me to bond with my kid at a young age, be part of many growth milestones,” he wrote in answer to The Local’s survey.

“And especially as someone who came from a country that doesn’t have such benefits, to me this confirms that my decision to have kids and settle down in Sweden is definitely the right one.” 

He was not the only reader to have this experience. 

“I think it is equally important for the father to bond right from the very beginning and understand the child and the mother even better,” said another father.

“I have just started my paternity leave and I am already having a great time taking care of the kid, connecting even more. My wife was anxious in the beginning when she was about to resume work but now she seems much relaxed now that I am in charge.” 

Fathers from the US and UK also said that they had been surprised by the experience they had had so far caring for an infant, particularly realising the all-absorbing nature of the role.  

“The first few months especially opened my eyes to the extent to which caring for a newborn is more than a full-time job,” said Eric Peterson, a reader from the US. “It’s given me a newfound appreciation for mothers in countries with less generous (or, like in my home country, non-existent) parental benefits.”

“I’m still early on my journey into fatherhood, but the bond with my daughter feels strong. I look forward to using the remaining month or so of my leave a bit later in my daughter’s life to take her back to my home country to visit grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.”

Mothers also said they had benefited. 

Bruna Larissa Lima Crisostomo, a software engineer from Brazil who is working at Volvo, said that the six months her husband stayed at home with their son had been “a transformative experience for our family”. 

“Initially, it was challenging because our baby was more accustomed to being with me. However, after a period of adjustment, it became an incredible experience. They developed a strong bond, and now our son has two adults he truly trusts,” she said.

“Before my husband took parental leave, I was the primary source of support for our son. Now, our child feels equally secure with both of us, which has been wonderful to see.”

The experience, she said, had made her husband “much more sensitive and attuned to the needs of our child”.

‘We forget that it’s not really 80 percent of salary’

However, while several respondents were grateful for the generous state-funded leave, others complained that it was not generous enough, with the daily payouts capped at 1,218 kronor a day, or a salary of 37,758, mean many foreigners in Sweden risk taking a financial hit if they take leave. 

“I feel Sweden’s generous parental leave policy is a key factor attracting young families to relocate to the country for work. Having said that, for a high-skilled working family, with a wife who did not find work before the first baby, the financial cap on the money meant the father had to keep working and mother took most of the vacation,” said Muhammad, a software engineer from Pakistan.  

Some also argued that the financial aspects of the system were confusing and not transparent enough.

Stephen from the UK, while appreciative of the opportunities he had gained, said that it could be complicated working out how to get the most money. 

“The big issue is the planning with all the rules and the not so clear ways to maximise your leave especially if you a salaried person,” he said. 

Another Indian father, who preferred to remain anonymous, said that even though his company had offered to top up his payments up to 80 percent of his salary, he had not been able to afford to take parental leave, and if they hadn’t offered this, he would have been looking at forgoing more than 60 percent of his salary. 

“In UK or US, paternity leave is for two weeks but fully paid. Why doesn’t Sweden have fully paid paternity leave?” he asked.

A female researcher agreed that it was misleading to suggest that people did not take significant salary cuts when they went on leave. 

“I think we forget that it’s not really 80 percent of your salary – a lot of international workers earn well above the threshold so in practice you might be making 60-70 percent, even though a lot of employers top this up,” she said.

“Unfortunately for me, I wasn’t able to take all of my leave for financial reasons. I have student loans from the US and I couldn’t afford to live on 90 percent of my salary for more than 10 months.” 

Difficult to combine with career 

The researcher said that the competitive nature of academia had also prevented her that taking time off, as it would have done too much damage to her career. 

“I have to either constantly apply for funding to keep my job or apply for lecturer positions,” she said. “Even if I was supposed to be on leave, I still felt pressure to publish and keep projects moving so that I would be competitive.”

Peterson said he also feared that taking leave could damage his career, although as he is currently on leave, he has yet to find out for certain. 

“While taking leave hasn’t affected my career in any official capacity, I can’t help but feel that the timing was less than ideal for my career progression (in terms of the annual promotion cycle common to large corporations). But part of why I moved to Sweden in the first place was to leave the rat race behind. And having children tends to reshuffle priorities anyway, so it doesn’t bother me much.”