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POLITICS

Revealed: France’s funniest politicians and their best ‘jokes’

Politicians' jokes are more usually met with a groan than a laugh, but France's annual prize for political humour has been awarded - here are the zingers judged the best in 2022.

Revealed: France's funniest politicians and their best 'jokes'
French Communist Party National Secretary Fabien Roussel has been voted the funniest in France for a joke about petrol prices. Photo by Thomas SAMSON / AFP

According to the jury on the Press club, Humour et Politique awards, the funniest politician in France is the Communist leader (and 2022 presidential candidate) Fabien Roussel.

His award-winning zinger is: “La station d’essence est le seul endroit en France où celui qui tient le pistolet est aussi celui qui se fait braquer.”

It translates as ‘the petrol station is the only place where the one holding the gun is also the one who is robbed’ – a joke that works much better in French where ‘pistolet’ means both a pistol and the petrol pump. 

On a side note for British readers – Roussel also looks quite a lot like left-wing UK comedian Stewart Lee, so maybe he has funny genes.

Second prize went to ex-president Nicolas Sarkozy with his withering assessment of Valérie Pécresse, the candidate for his old party in the 2022 presidential election, who did extremely badly.

“Ce n’est pas parce que tu achètes de la peinture, une toile et des pinceaux que tu deviens Picasso. Valérie Pécresse, elle a pris mes idées, mon programme et elle a fait 4.8 pourcent”

“It’s not because one buys paints, canvas and brushes that you become Picasso. Valérie Pécresse, she took my ideas, my manifesto and she got 4.8 percent of the vote.”

While these two were jokes – in the loosest sense of the word – the prize can also be awarded to politicians who make people laugh inadvertently, such as last year’s winner Marlène Schiappa who, when announcing plans to ban polygamy, felt the need to tell the French, “On ne va pas s’interdire les plans à trois” – we’re not going to outlaw threesomes.

Here’s the full list of finalists for the funniest political joke of 2022 – somehow we don’t think you’re at risk of split sides with any of these.

Ex-Prime minister Edouard Philippe talking about hard-left leader Jean-Luc Mélenchon: “Il faut une certaine audace pour que quelqu’un qui a été battu à une élection où il était candidat puisse penser qu’il sera élu à une élection où il n’est pas candidat!”

“It takes a certain audacity for someone who was defeated in an election where he was a candidate to think that he will be elected in an election where he is not a candidate!”

Ex-Assemblée nationale president Richard Ferrand: “Elisabeth Borne est formidable mais personne ne le sait.”

“Elisabeth Borne is great but no-one knows it.”

Ex-Macronist MP Thierry Solère: “Mon anatomie fait que si j’ai le cul entre deux chaises, je suis parfaitement assis.”

“My anatomy means that if I have my ass between two chairs, I am perfectly seated.”

Some information that might be useful for this one – the French phrase avoir le cul entre deux chaises (to have your ass between two chairs) is the equivalent of the English ‘falling between two stools’ – ie a person who cannot make up their mind what or who to support. Further information; Solère is a largish bloke.

Hard-left MP Eric Coquerel: “S’imaginer qu’on va remplacer Jean-Luc Mélenchon comme ça, c’est une vue de l’esprit. C’est comme se poser la question de qui va remplacer Jaurès.”

“To imagine that we will replace [party leader] Jean-Luc Mélenchon like that, is purely theoretical. It is like asking the question of who will replace Jaurès.”

Jean Jaurès is a revered figure on the French left, but not currently very active in politics, since he was assassinated in 1914.

Rachida Dati to Paris mayor Anne Hidalgo: “Votre présence au Conseil de Paris est aussi anecdotique que votre score à la présidentielle.”

“Your presence at the Council of Paris is as anecdotal as your score in the presidential election.”

There’s no doubt that Hidalgo did humiliatingly badly in the presidential election with a score of 1.75 percent. Daiti didn’t stand in the presidential elections but she did put herself forward to be mayor of Paris in 2020 and was convincingly beaten by . . . Anne Hidalgo.

So that’s the ‘jokes’, but there were also some entries for inadvertently funny moments.

Paris mayor Anne Hidalgo: “Tous les matins, je me lève en me disant que tout le monde m’aime.”

“Every morning, I wake up and tell myself that everyone loves me.”

But the undisputed queen of this genre is the green MP Sandrine Rousseau, whose ideas and policy announcements seem to have provoked a great deal of mirth.

Je voudrais qu’il y ait une possibilité de délit de non-partage des tâches domestiques – I would like there to be the possibility of a crime of not equally sharing domestic tasks

Les SDF meurent plus de chaleur l’été que l’hiver – The homeless die from heat more in the summer than the winter

Il faut changer aussi de mentalité pour que manger une entrecôte cuite sur un barbecue ne soit plus un symbole de virilité – We must also change our mentality so that eating a steak cooked on a barbecue is no longer a symbol of virility.

If you prefer your humour a little more scientific, Phd researcher Théo Delemazure has done a study of which politicians and political parties are funniest when speaking in parliament.

He analysed how often speeches raise a smile or a laugh (which presumably includes sarcastic laughter) and concluded that the party that gets the most laughs is the hard-left La France Insoumise.

They are also the party that speaks most often, however, when he calculated the laughter rate per time spent speaking, the prize went to the centre-right Les Républicains.

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STRIKES

French protest pension reform again as unions threaten to step up action

Protesters once again took to the streets in towns and cities across France on Tuesday to call for the government to scrap its proposed pension reform as fresh strikes brought widespread disruption on transport.

French protest pension reform again as unions threaten to step up action

The third day of union-backed demonstrations since January 19th was set to test momentum for the protest movement which has vowed to block Macron’s bid to raise the retirement age.

The head of the hardline CGT union, Philippe Martinez, warned that more “numerous, massive and rolling” strikes were coming if the government did not drop the plan.

“If the government keeps on refusing to listen then of course things will have to be ratcheted up,” he said, as the demonstration in Paris got underway.

French leftist party La France Insoumise (LFI) leader Jean-Luc Melenchon (C) addresses media ahead of the start of the demonstrations on the third day of nationwide rallies against a deeply unpopular pensions overhaul at Gare de Lyon train station in Paris on February 7, 2023. (Photo by Sameer Al-Doumy / AFP)

Macron put raising the retirement age and encouraging the French to work more at the heart of his re-election campaign last year, but polls estimate that two-thirds of people are against the changes.

Lawmakers began debating the reform, which would see the age for a full pension raised from 62 to 64 and the mandatory number of years of work extended for a full pension, during a stormy session in parliament on Monday.

Mobilisations across the country

But turnout was trending downwards on Tuesday with the hardline CGT union saying almost two million people protested nationwide compared with its estimate of 2.8 million last week.

It said 400,000 people were protesting in Paris compared with 500,000 on January 31st and 400,000 on January 19th.

The interior ministry said police counted 757,000 people protesting across France, also fewer than previously.

French 24-hour news channel BFMTV reported that more than 200 rallies against the pension reform had been organised across the country on Tuesday.

Protesters gather at Place de l’Opera prior to the start of the demonstration (Photo by Sameer Al-Doumy / AFP)

The crowds so far have been the largest anti-government protests since 2010, during pension reform by right-wing former president Nicolas Sarkozy.

There were tensions in the western city of Nantes where protesters clashed with security forces who used tear gas pellets, an AFP photographer said.

Protesters in Nantes in western France shrouded in teargas face off with law enforcement during a demonstration on the third day of nationwide rallies against pension reform (Photo by LOIC VENANCE / AFP)

In Paris, French daily Le Parisien reported that within an hour of the march beginning, more than 2,200 people had already been subject to police checks.

Hard-left leader Jean-Luc Melenchon said Macron had to take account of the mobilisation on the streets.

“Unless he has become completely authoritarian, you need to be reasonable in a democracy,” he said, accusing Macron of trying to start his five-year term with a “show of force”.

The impacts of strike action 

Trains and the Paris metro again faced “severe disruptions”, while cancellations at Orly airport south of the capital were expected to total one in five.

The overall level of disruption, including in schools, was estimated to be lower than on the previous two days of action.

According to Franceinfo, 25 percent of French national rail workers walked out on Tuesday, in contrast to 36 percent during the previous day of action on January 31st. As for teachers, the French ministry of education estimated to Franceinfo that about 14.17 teachers were out on strike, compared to 25.92 percent on January 31st (based on parts of the country not currently on holiday). 

Nevertheless, around half of long-distance trains were running, the state railway company said.

Railway workers hold a banner as they protest against pension reform a general assembly of railway workers on the third day of nationwide rallies organised since the start of the year, against a deeply unpopul at Gare de Lyon train station in Paris on February 7, 2023. (Photo by Sameer Al-Doumy / AFP)

Another day of action is planned by unions on Saturday although with train unions calling for protests rather than strikes, disruption may be less severe. 

“It’s ok, it’s manageable,” Sylvain Magnan, a 23-year-old told AFP at the main station in the city of Marseille on the Mediterranean. “I just took a later train.”

Two unions representing rail workers, the CGT and Sud-Rail had also threatened renewable strike action from mid-February onwards. 

“I don’t feel that the guys are ready to go on a renewable strike at the moment”, train driver and member of the CGT chapter representing rail workers, CGT-Cheminots, Thierry Milbeo, told Le Parisien, referencing his fellow rail workers.

As for oil refineries, approximately one in two TotalEnergies workers were out on strike during the third round of walkouts, the company said, but stocks at petrol stations are sufficiently high to handle any temporary pause in deliveries.

The situation in French parliament

Macron’s proposals would bring France closer into line with its European neighbours, most of which have retirement ages of 65 or higher.

But the government has struggled to defend the overhaul as necessary or fair, given that the system is currently in balance and that low-skilled workers are said by many economists to bear the brunt of the changes.

“It’s reform or bankruptcy,” Public Accounts Minister Gabriel Attal said in parliament on Monday, leading to criticism from opponents that he was exaggerating.

French Junior Minister for Public Accounts Gabriel Attal delivers a speech during the debate regarding the draft law on pension system reform at the National Assembly in Paris, on February 6, 2023. (Photo by Ludovic MARIN / AFP)

Forecasts from the independent Pensions Advisory Council show the pensions system in deficit on average over the next 25 years.

The changes would lead to annual savings of around €18 billion by 2030 — mostly from pushing people to work for longer and abolishing some special retirement schemes.

France’s spending on pensions is the third highest among industrialised countries relative to the size of its economy. The country is number one in terms of overall public spending, according to data from the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development.

In parliament, the government will need to rely on the right-wing Republicans opposition party to pass the draft legislation, without having to resort to controversial executive powers that dispense with the need for a vote.

Macron’s allies are in a minority in the hung National Assembly after elections in June.

Prime Minister Elisabeth Borne on Sunday offered a key concession, saying people who started work aged 20 or 21 would be allowed to leave work a year earlier.

Republicans’ head Eric Ciotti has promised his backing, in theory giving the government the numbers it needs to pass the legislation.

But the left-wing opposition group and the far-right nationalist and Eurosceptic party of Marine Le Pen are staunchly opposed and have filed thousands of amendments.

Speaking in parliament on Monday, Le Pen said the government’s reform was “unfair” and “dictated by your desire to please the European Commission.”

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