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READER INSIGHTS

Ten secrets to making your life in Sweden a little bit better

How do you make friends with Swedes and what's the best kind of cheese in the supermarket? A growing Twitter thread with advice about navigating life in Sweden is making the rounds on social media.

Ten secrets to making your life in Sweden a little bit better
There's more to Swedish coffee and pastries than you think. Photo: Jessica Gow/TT

Swedish teacher, public speaker and publisher Sofi Tegsveden Deveaux challenged Twitter followers to like her tweet in return for “one piece of advice for how to enjoy life in Sweden”. The tweet has now received more than 2,000 likes, and the thread is quickly going viral. 

It may be a collection of some of the most useful advice yet on life in Sweden. We’ve selected ten of the best ones:

“Tired of the winter darkness? Visit a garden centre or a swimming pool to enjoy some artificial light that’s more daylight-like than your usual lamps.”

Many swimming pools are relatively cheap – look for information about the badhus on your local municipality’s website.

“If someone gives your their number (in non-professional contexts), don’t call them but text them.”

Perhaps this is a universal Millennial thing, but it’s certainly true in Sweden, where people are generally reserved and like advance warning about social interaction.

“Swedish doesn’t have a word for ‘please’. Please accept this and don’t try to invent your own version.”

The closest you get is tack (“thank you”) which isn’t used half as much as “please”, but which you can say both when, for instance, ordering a coffee and receiving it. But never substitute “please” with snälla – to a native Swede’s ears, this will sound like you’re begging. Only acceptable if you’ve gone a week without coffee and really, really need it.

“Don’t take a Swede’s yes for a yes unless it’s emphasised with an absolut or precis or exakt. Ja may mean yes as well as no, as many Swedes avoid direct confrontation.”

And if you’re not sure whether to say yes or no, there’s a Swedish word for precisely that situation.

“If you want to make Swedish friends, bear in mind that Swedes in general enjoy DOING something together. Suggest a concrete activity!”

Swedes are not as unfriendly as it may seem, but they tend to prefer a structure around their social life. Sofi adds: “Your keyword here is förening – that means association and that’s structured social life for you, centred around an interest, hobby, cause or similar.”

“Sweden is neither paradise nor hell but a relatively large country with a small population getting on with their lives. Drop your expectations before you go!”

Just as in most countries, there will be things you like and things you don’t like. People who embody the national stereotype and people who are the opposite of what you expected – even this list won’t be true for all Swedes all the time.

“Swedish time is not linear but cyclic, with events, cakes (!), activities and priorities changing over yearly, weekly and biweekly cycles.”

That’s why cities empty out in summer, why no one eats saffron buns in April and why crayfish parties are near-compulsory in August.

“Get to know your local library and find out what services they offer, it’ll probably be great.”

A lot of services in Sweden are surprisingly high quality, considering that they are free of charge, whether it’s the library, a local ice rink or outdoor gyms.

“If you’re looking for some nice cheese, get some Västerbotten or Prästost from the supermarket.”

Because you can never have too much cheese.

“The whole concept of fika gets so much more interesting when you realise it was once illegal to drink coffee in Sweden. A gentrified codeword! We’re cos-playing bad-ass bandits enjoying our little kanelbulle as day turns into night.”

If Sweden ever seems boring and uneventful to you, don’t forget there’s an easy way to add a bit of excitement and mystery to your office fika break.

Sofi Tegsveden Deveaux is the director of LYS Förlag, a publishing house which focuses on books about Sweden, Swedishness and the migrant experience (and which recently published The Local’s book Villa Volvo Vovve). Follow her on Twitter HERE.

Do you have any Swedish tips to add? Post them in the comments below!

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READER INSIGHTS

‘We all cheer each other on’: How we made friends in Sweden

Sweden is often rated as a difficult country to make friends in. We asked those who've been there, done that – or in other words, The Local's readers – how they met their closest friends in Sweden.

'We all cheer each other on': How we made friends in Sweden

“They are so supportive, caring and understanding,” said Erin Swoverland, a reader from the US, about her friends. “We all listen, lift each other up and cheer each other on. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such amazing women in my corner.”

She met most of them at a gym in Stockholm. 

“I attended a Friday training class for women and the rest is history. I will say I think it being a small, independent gym made all the difference as we actually spoke to each other. I haven’t had the same interactions at larger chains,” she said.

Erin was one of dozens of readers who responded to The Local’s question about how they found their friends in Sweden, sparked by a recent survey which showed that 13 percent of foreigners lack a close friend (double the number of Swedes who said the same thing).

A lot of readers alluded to the part-truth, part-stereotype that Swedes tend to compartmentalise their lives and prefer organised fun over spontaneous activities, and one of the classic strategies that always comes up in these discussions is to join some kind of club or society.

The benefit of “organised fun” is that Sweden has a vibrant föreningsliv (literally “association life”), with many people involved in for example their local football club, gaming hub, gardening society, trade union, hiking club, or even just being on the board of their housing association.

“As I always liked cycling, running, badminton, indoor climbing and a few other sports, I found groups on Meetup for such activities. This helped me meet like-minded people. Soon afterwards, some of us started to hang out together for beers or pizzas etc. Thanks to these people we started to invite other people to our gatherings. Finally today, I have a large network of very interesting and close friends (immigrants as well as Swedish friends). When I look back, I realise that it was much easier to get to know people in events having just six to eight people. If you go in a large group setting it is difficult to meet people as splinter groups start getting formed,” said a Pakistani reader.

“I have been in Sweden for over 15 years now. During this time our close friendship network has just increased. Like any friends, we fight and argue at times, but at the same time I know that my friends care about me. I feel at home in Sweden with this circle of friends.”

He wasn’t the only one who suggested joining a society (although one reader cautioned against “survivorship bias” and pointed out that not everyone manages to turn up at event and immediately make friends). Even if you don’t join a traditional club, readers recommended plenty of other networking opportunities, including sites or friendship apps such as Meetup, Bumble BFF, Panion and GoFrendly.

Nathan Lloyd, a Welshman in Malmö, recommends networking meetups, even if they’re not directly relevant to your own field, as well as Facebook groups. He met his best friend, Brian, via Grindr – not the only one we’ve heard of who made platonic friends on dating apps.

“He’s truly my best friend. Been friends for over six years,” he said. “We enjoy loppising together, going out in nature, birdwatching and art, a major thing we bonded over. He’s been there through highs and lows and helped me in emergency situations when I’ve needed someone.”

Nathan Lloyd, centre, with his friend, Brian, and partner, Tom, at the Konstrundan art weekend in southern Sweden. Photo: Private

Not being afraid of putting yourself out there and making the first move was another tip that came up in the survey, with many describing Swedes as warm friends – perhaps even surprisingly warm – once you break through the shell.

“First and foremost, don’t try too hard. Best friends are the organic ones that come in your life at the moments you don’t expect. Be open and give a shot to those who seem to be more open. Swedes who have been abroad frequently are exceptionally more pleasant to keep around,” said Hadi from Iran, who first moved to Sweden in 2010 and now lives in the south of the country.

OPINION:

Peter, a reader who works at Lund University in southern Sweden, befriended his new neighbour after knocking on their door to ask if he could use their wifi until he managed to get his own.

“We have been very good friends ever since, even after I moved to another town. I find Swedes to be very friendly in general, but sometimes I need to make the first effort,” he said.

Robert Blomstrand, a born Swede who lived most of his life abroad, says he and his South African wife, Vanessa, met amazing friends in church and were surprised by their warmth and care.

“Through this we learned Swedish and had many wonderful Swedish experiences (sailing, meals, celebrations). Still very good friends,” he said.

Robert Blomstrand’s friends on a sailing trip to the Gothenburg archipelago. Photo: Private

Ioannis, based in southern Stockholm, said he met most of his friends through university or work and then made sure that the friendships were maintained after studies finished or work changed.

“Important first step was to accept that it is me, the one that has to make an effort. Then show interest in others, learn about who they are and how they are like. Share experiences with them, also offer help and support and ask for help and support. Independence and individualism can be an obstacle in creating social bonds. Make the effort, without expecting same returns. Give it time.”

“I believe that if you want a friend, you have to be a friend first,” said Jeremiah from the US. “My friends are people who were willing to invest in a building a relationship because they didn’t have them locally. We connected over the shared experience of being displaced and learning how to adult again. The connections grew because we had other shared interests, were willing to spend more time together, and were willing to help each other.”

“Focus on finding people who like doing things that you enjoy, like going to museums, movies, etc,” said a Stockholm-based reader, who made friends with his colleague after inviting him to a drag show at the Abba Museum.

“It’s so much easier to make friends during the things you like. Like any relationship, don’t try and rush it,” he added. “Just continue to reach out for times to hang out, and be OK with them not always saying yes the first time. We’re all busy. I also found it easier to make friends with folks, particularly Swedes, who weren’t from Stockholm (or whatever city you’re living in) as they generally have smaller networks/ open to make new friends in Stockholm.

Several readers expressed sadness that they hadn’t made any Swedish friends and that all their friends were fellow foreigners.

“I made friends through work (international company) and from my country of origin. I don’t have any Swedish friends even though I have been living in Stockholm for 15 years,” said a Colombian reader.

Some readers, however, argued that it isn’t necessarily strange, or a negative, that foreigners end up with foreigners, as you share similar experiences. Having a community with people you feel close to and have something in common with matters more than who they are.

“Close friendships are built because you share some experiences in life. I was an immigrant in Sweden, hence like all immigrants in Sweden I faced many issues time after time, for example issues related to visa or bank accounts,” said the Pakistani reader from the start of the article. “It is much easier to connect with people when you share similar issues. Don’t be afraid to talk about your experiences. This helps to bring us closer.”

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