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MARRIAGE

10 things you need to know about German weddings

If you're invited to a German wedding, you may find some of the customs a bit surprising, if not confusing. So we're here to help.

Published: 5 June 2019 13:13 CEST
Updated: 17 March 2022 15:29 CET
Leo and Carola put on their rings at their symbolic wedding ceremony in a branch of the Penny supermarket chain in the Berlin district of Wedding, February 22nd, 2022.
Leo and Carola put on their rings at their symbolic wedding ceremony in a branch of the Penny supermarket chain in the Berlin district of Wedding, February 22nd, 2022. Because why not? Photo: picture alliance/dpa/dpa-Zentralbild | Britta Pedersen

Traditions of course vary from region to region – just as much as the dialects of Germany do.

Here are some things you might witness the next time your friends get hitched.

1. Polterabend

A wedding couple made of straw attracts the attention of motorists in Eschborn near Frankfurt/Main

A wedding couple made of straw attracts the attention of motorists in Eschborn near Frankfurt/Main (picture from 31.08.1998). Photo: picture-alliance / dpa | Roland_Witschel

Literally meaning “eve of making a racket,” this is usually the night before the wedding when the couple throws a big party for friends to basically smash a bunch of porcelain – for good luck, of course.

This isn’t a very formal occasion as invites aren’t sent and traditionally it just spreads by word of mouth. Part of this is so people can come who aren’t otherwise invited to the wedding itself, which tend to be smaller in Germany of around 100 people or less.

At the end of all the dish-breaking the bride and groom generally work together to clean it up – as they should for everything else for the rest of their lives.

READ ALSO: ‘Ja, ich will!’ What it’s like to get married in Germany

2. If there is a bachelor/bachelorette party…

A wax figure of tennis player Boris Becker, representing his own bachelor’s party selling goodies. Photo: DPA.

Stag or bachelor parties are much more common in the UK or US, but if Germans take on the tradition, they call it Junggesellenabschied – literally just bachelor’s farewell, but maybe not so easy to say.

One of the requirements of the German bride- or groom-to-be is that along the party-hopping way, they must sell things like shots or condoms to people that they meet in the streets, carried about on a little tray.

3. Best men and maids of honour

While Americans generally have a whole gaggle of groomsmen and bridesmaids to escort the happy pair along the procession, Germans tend to just have one trusted person each.

The Trauzeuge/Trauzeugin (wedding witness) has an important role throughout the process, but unlike in other countries can actually be any gender for both the bride and the groom. This is usually a close friend or relative, and they might do things like plan the stag or hen party, or help kidnap the bride (more on this later).

4. Honking the horns

You’ve probably seen (or rather heard) this German tradition on weekends before. It’s customary that after the wedding ceremony, everyone drives to the party venue with their car antenna somehow decorated, honking their horns the whole way there.

Whether you honk your horn as an outsider simply driving along is up to you.

5. There may be tree trunks

A man sawing a tree.

Better pack a chainsaw just incase. Photo: picture alliance / Tobias Hase/dpa | Tobias Hase

It’s quite common to play games at German weddings, and one of them for brides and grooms is Baumstamm sägen – sawing a tree trunk. After the ceremony, the couple embark on their first real challenge together: sawing a log of wood in half.

With one on each side of the saw, the bride and groom work together to sever the chunk of wood, hopefully proving their strength as a couple.

But don’t worry: there will be plenty of other games for guests the rest of the night, generally various ‘battle of the sexes’ type activities.

6. Kidnapping the bride

Another sort of wedding game is the Brautentführung or kidnapping of the bride. Close friends will at some point “kidnap” the bride after the ceremony, dragging her from bar to bar while the groom tries to find them.

The cheeky kidnappers might just also leave the bill behind for the groom to foot.

7. The veil dance

While Germans may also throw the bride’s bouquet to single women during the party, another more German tradition is the Schleiertanz – the veil dance.

This involves taking the bride’s veil and having the couple dance under it. When the music ends, single women will try to rip off pieces from it and whoever gets the biggest piece is said to be the next to marry.

Another variation is that people will throw money into the veil while the couple dances, buying themselves a dance with one of the newlyweds.

8. The wedding cake power play

A couple with their wedding cake. Photo: DPA.

Midnight is when Germans often choose to cut the cake. 

And take note when they do: it’s said that whoever has their hand on top during the slicing is the one who “wears the pants” in the relationship. Knowing this, the couple may end up playfully fighting over their hand positions.

9. The rings

 A couple show off their wedding rings. Photo: DPA.

Engagement rings aren’t actually such a big deal in Germany, and some couples never bother with them. If there is one, it’s generally worn by the woman during the engagement period on the left hand, and then either switched to the right hand after the ceremony, or not worn anymore once the pair are married.

And both the man and woman will wear their wedding rings on the right hand – unlike in other Western countries.

10. A proper German homecoming

One tradition – though not as common – after all the wedding hullabaloo is that friends of the couple will fill their new abode’s bedroom with balloons. When the newlyweds show up, they have to pop them all before they can really start their lives together.

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CULTURE

Ten must-see German films of past and present

From German Expressionist Cinema to modern comedy, German film certainly has a lot to offer.

Published: 18 June 2019 16:43 CEST
Ten must-see German films of past and present
A showing of an almost entirely restored Metropolis at the 2010 Berlinale Film Festival. Photo:DPA/Rainer Jensen

Germany has been an essential contributor to cinema from its very beginnings. Its film industry stretches back to the late 19th century, and in the first part of the 19th century, the film hub Babelsberg near Berlin was a household name across Europe. 

Many great classic and contemporary German films focus on darker chapters history: World War I and II, as well German Democratic Republic (GDR). Yet several others provide a nuanced look into the day-to-day lives of Germans, and what they say about society as a whole. 

This list reflects the country's varied and dynamic tradition, touching on themes ranging from integration to flaws in modern work culture. 

Angst essen Seele auf (Ali: Fear Eats the Soul) – 1974

Written, produced and directed by the West German filmmaker Rainer Werner Fassbinder, Angst essen Seele auf focuses on the topics of racism, immigration and integration in post-war Germany via the relationship between an elderly German woman and Ali, a Moroccan Gastarbeiter (guest worker) in Germany.

A formative film in the German New Wave cinema of the 1970s, many of this film’s themes remain relevant in 2019 and Fassbinder’s work is still regarded to be one of the best in German cinema.

Metropolis – 1927

A viewing of the original cut of Fritz Lang’s cult film will set you back a substantial 153 minutes of your time, but considering the film's influence and innovation it is certainly worth it.

Lang’s silent movie depicts a luxurious Utopian city called Metropolis which is juxtaposed by its dark underworld where mistreated workers must toil in order to sustain the world of the rich and privileged who reside in the city’s utopia.

Whilst the story focuses thematically on class and socialism, contemporary and modern critics have lauded the film for its remarkable, stylized visuals which took inspiration from Bauhaus and cubist architecture. In turn, the film’s unique images have been referenced extensively in popular culture throughout the 20th and 21st centuries.

Recently restored, it is now possible to see practically all of the original film.

Die fetten Jahre sind Vorbei (The Edukators) – 2004

A film about political ideology and revolutionary idealism, Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei follows three young Germans who partake in pseudo criminal activity when they break into the houses of wealthy Berliners, rearrange their furniture and write warnings such as “die fetten Jahre sind vorbei” (the days of plenty are over).

When a break-in goes wrong and turns into a kidnapping, the three youngsters are forced to confront and spend time with the exact type of person they are so critical of.

Das weiße Band, eine Deutsche Kindergeschichte (The White Ribbon) – 2009

Set between 1913 and 1914, Das weiße Band is a sinister portrayal mis-happenings in a small north German Protestant village. Intrigue and despair drive the plot and the breakdown of law and order within the village represents a wider disintegration of society.

Released to considerable critical acclaim, this is an essential watch for fans of German cinema.

A Coffee in Berlin – 2012

Shot in black and white but set in modern Berlin, this film follows the 20-something protagonist, Niko, through one day in his life where he repeatedly fails to acquire and consume a coffee and has a number of encounters along the way.

The heart of A Coffee in Berlin is a commentary on languid, self-indulgent and stagnant youth. However, references to the ongoing impacts of Germany’s 20th Century history complement the story’s modernity.

Das Wunder von Bern (The Miracle of Bern) – 2003

One for football fans, Das Wunder von Bern is set against the backdrop of the true story of the build-up to West Germany’s surprising victory in the 1954 World Cup in Bern, Switzerland. Simultaneously, the plot focuses on a family who are living in post-war Essen and coming to terms with the struggles of everyday life after the father returns from a Soviet prisoner of war camp to a country vastly different from the one he left.

The returning father manages to bond with his youngest son via football, which symbolically reflects how Germany’s success in the 1954 Word Cup helped the country to heal after the traumatic and troubling events of the first half of the 20th Century.

This often-nostalgic look at Germany’s past serves as a welcome antidote to other historical German films which focus on atrocities, as opposed to how Germans have dealt with these in their collective psyche.

Der Himmel über Berlin (Wings of Desire) – 1987

Wim Wenders’ romantic fantasy portrays a still-divided but soon to be unified Berlin. Two angels, Damiel and Cassiel, are responsible for the wellbeing of West Berlin’s residents and the film follows them and their relationship within human affairs.

Some have seen the film as a pre-emptive call for reunification; the film’s angels are not limited by the wall separating the city and Wenders emphasizes the verity of the universality of human experience, as well as the necessity for Germany as a whole to face up to its past.

With stunning cinematography, this renowned film captures the essence of the city at a defining moment in its tumultuous history whilst emphasising the importance of individuals within the urban landscape.

Toni Erdmann – 2016

Seeking a German film that isn’t steeped in historical reference? Deemed a ‘comedy-drama,’ Toni Erdmann is about the relationship between father, Winfried, and daughter, Ines. Winfried goes to visit Ines in Bucharest, where she works and becomes entangled in her life there.

Allegedly based in part upon writer and director’s Maren Ade’s own parents’ penchant for comedy, Winfried has a comical ‘alter ego,’ the so-called 'Toni Erdmann', who provides most of the film’s comic relief.

A criticism of modern business models with frequently philosophical takes on life, this is a truly modern German film.

Die Blechttrommel (The Tin Drum) – 1979

Adapted from the novel of the same name by Günter Grass, Die Blechttrommel is an allegorical look at Germany’s history in the first half of the 20th Century. Steeped with symbolism with an undertone that is often eccentric and subversive, the film follows Oskar, a child who stops growing after an accident at the age of three.

The banging of a tin drum given to Oskar as a child retains a symbolic position in the film as a representation protest against the middle-class status quo and the audience watches Oskar grow up to witness the birth of National Socialism in Germany.

Though this film reaches ridiculous and grotesque levels at some points, it still won the Academy Award for Best Foreign film in 1980. This is definitely one to watch if you can’t face reading the almost 600 page long book.

Das Cabinet des Dr Caligari (The Cabinet of Dr Caligari) – 1920

Often considered the pinnacle of German Expressionist Cinema, Das Cabinet des Dr Caligari uses striking, distorted shapes and vertical lines as the backdrop for its horror story.

The highly stylised film is striking and thrilling, featuring a dramatic twist end which is reminiscent of many contemporary horror and suspense films.

Whilst this film won’t help improve your German, it can help shed light onto the era of the Weimar Republic. The film’s dark and twisted nature can be seen as a reflection of post-World War I angst and chaos in the Weimar Republic.

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