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The best and the worst things about having kids in France

There are some real benefits about having kids in France, but there are also some clear downsides. The Local asks a couple of expat parents who have raised children here to point them out.

Published: 8 January 2019 12:42 CET

The best and the worst things about having kids in France

Photo: AFP

Kids are in full time education age three

This is a major plus point about having children in France. OK it might feel a bit weird to send off your baby to a school aged just three, but for a start it’ll save you lots of money and it does the kid well too.

“Think about what your friends back home in the US or UK are paying for daycare,” say the mums at the Mama Loves Paris advice website for Parents. “From the ages of 3 to 6 in France, the emphasis is on socialising the kids and getting them used to school life. This full time care means parents are free to work or spend time with their younger kids.”

A recent OECD education report on France praised the fact that the vast majority of kids are in full time education at the age of 3.

(AFP)

Cost of creche and childcare is fairly cheap

Talk to anyone with kids in London or indeed anywhere in the UK about how much they pay in childcare and you’ll be glad you are in France. The price of a place in a municipal creche or a “Halte Garderie” is based on wages but the top price is normally around €600 a month for full time. In the UK, that might get you a couple days a week each month. Although the only problem is trying to find a place in creche, which can be difficult in certain parts of Paris and surrounding suburbs.

Your kids will be polite

“Kids in France are comfortable around adults,” said Normandy-based mother of two, Miranda Ingram, a writer and the creator of the Kids in France website . “So even the scariest-looking teenager your children brings home will always shake your hand, look you in the eye and say: “Madame” rather than grunting at their trainers.”

Your kids won't get fat

“Instead of being fobbed off with rubbish food, such as Turkey Twizzlers or “kids menus” in restaurants, French kids eat proper meals at school and they learn how to use a knife and fork,” says Ingram.

Quality of the canteen

“Yes your child will get a four-course meal at school in the canteen,” say the folks at Mama Loves Paris.

“In Paris there is a city-wide committee dedicated to planning the menus for the year and when you take a look, you will see your child has the chance to try all kinds of foods and due to the social atmosphere, they might actually things they would never accept from you at home. French cuisine broadens their horizons and taste buds from an early age.”

(AFP)

Have three and it gets cheaper

“It’s well worth having three children if you live in France,” says Ingram. “Official policy encourages this so there is lots of extra money (increased child benefits) and perks, such as cheaper train and cinema tickets and cheaper holidays after the magic third child is born.”

Out of school activities

These are often heavily subsidised by the state and as a result are fairly cheap. Just check out the activities on offer through UCPA a non-profit organisation that makes outdoor sports holidays available for anyone aged seven and upwards.

(AFP)

'We are family…'

“Family time is valued here,” says Paris-based mother of one Jenifer Hamerman, a contributor to Mama Loves Paris.

“Broadly speaking, the weekend is the weekend and a vacation really is a vacation. France has not succumbed to some of the macho posturing around who works the longest hours that we see in the UK and US. It is normal and acceptable to have preserved family time here.”

Health cover

You might feel like you are permanently in front of a doctor when you have a kid in France, but they do take health seriously here, especially when it comes to kids.

France not kids obsessed

“When you become a parent here, it is not automatically assumed you have lost the rest of your identity. Kids don't rule the roost and they shouldn't rule your life…” from Mama Loves Paris, as are the next two plus points.

Superhuman parenting is not cool here

No one wants martyr parents here who brag about all their self-sacrifice whilst manically home-making everything. There is a lot less pressure to be an amazing parent. Competence is enough.

Your kids are exposed to a lot less materialism.

The French tend to fix and take care of things rather than replace them. It's vulgar here to talk about money or to spend to excess. These values filter into parenting and that is a positive point about family life here. In general kids are not spoiled with every last plastic toy on the market and that too relieves pressure on families to keep up.

They learn two languages...

Living in France is the best way for your kids to become bilingual French/English or French and any other language.

AND THE DOWNSIDES…

Lack of baby changing facilities

Good luck trying to find baby-changing table at a restaurant or café in France (not including McDonald’s). Paris is particularly pathetic. Given France has the highest birth rate in Europe you would have thought restaurant owners might have cottoned on to the idea that all those baby-making parents still want to enjoy a drink or meal out, with their newborns. Granted, most toilets in Paris cafés are too small to swing a full nappy but surely a fold up table could be added. Or just a ledge.

(David/FLickr)

There’s only one high-chair in Paris

Or at least that what it feels like. Yes French kids learn to eat properly from a young age but it the lack of high chairs in restaurants means it’s often hard to show off their skills. Space might be an issue too in many cramped cafes, but babies are good for business.

Your kids may end up smoking

“Beware, if your child grows up in France they will probably end up smoking,” says Miranda Ingram. “Just drive past a lycée (high school) at break and see the numbers of kids having a quick cigarette outside the school gates.”

(AFP)

How many holidays…

The sheer number of school holidays might sound great for the kids (although these days are actually beneficial according to a recent OECD report) but they can really be a nightmare for working parents, who have to find some kind of help to cover the regular breaks.

French parents will have send the kids off to the grandparents for a week, but expat parents rarely have this luxury.

Art, Music and Sport take a back seat at school

If your child is not the most academic and prefers subjects like music or sport, then they might find French school a little boring as they tend to concentrate on the main academic subjects like maths, French and science. Achievement in other areas is perhaps not as recognised as it would be in other countries.

Paris Metro is not parent friendly

“Let’s face it, the Paris Metro was designed long before anyone cared about people with disabilities or babies trying to use it,” say the folks at Mama Love Paris site.

“There are so many steps, it’s hellish with a stroller. Very few stations have escalators or lifts. You just have to rely on the kindness of strangers or just lug it up yourself.”

Why are they so strict?

French parents tend to more into discipline and rules than Anglo parents. Some expat parents report being given the evil-eye after letting their child do something that was clearly “irresponsible” in the eyes of Gallic Maman watching on. Some have even been told off.

“It gets sort of wearing to hear the constant “doucement” (gently) instructions in the playground and what sometimes seems a barrage of reprimands directed at kids,” say the mums at Mama Loves Paris. “At first you feel pressure to be the same way with your own kids but then you get the confidence to just follow your own path.”

Stay at home parenting not easy

“France is not an easy place to be a stay-at-home parent,” says a contributor to Mama Loves Paris. “In general both French parents work and mums return to work quickly. It's not always the three month stereotype but it's not far off. Some of us are used to a real spectrum back home from stay-at-home mums and even dads, to part-time workers, to full-time workers.

“Many of my friends have been made to feel as though they are odd for not working. There is also a practical problem in that the system is geared up to help working parents with crèches and there are less destinations to simply hang out with your toddlers during working hours.”

Miranda Ingram who is behind the Kids in France website and several contributors to the Mama Loves Paris blog for English speaking parents in Paris, including Jennifer Hamerman, contributed to this article.

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What you need to know if your child is starting school in France

Children technically start schooling at the age of three in France, since attendance at maternelle has been compulsory since 2022. But maternelle is really more like nursery or pre-school with singing, games, teddies and an afternoon nap (for the kids, not the staff).

The jump to école primaire (primary school) is a big deal and it’s when school gets real.

If your children are older but starting in a French school for the first time you may also find the experience and the general schooling ethos different to what you are used to.

Here is what you can expect;

What if they don’t speak French?

If you have recently moved to France and your child does not speak much or any French, they may need extra help. The general rule is that kids going into maternelle (age 3 to 6) don’t get any formal classes because it’s assumed they will pick up the language, but older children can receive extra tuition to help them to learn the French they’ll need for the classroom.

Different areas organise this slightly differently, but the key thing to know is that it is up to you as a parent to contact the education authority – don’t assume that the school will do this for you.

Find full details of how to access language support HERE.

What if I don’t speak French?

If you’re lucky the teacher may speak some English and be willing to help you, but that’s not a guarantee. If your French is very basic it’s a good idea to take along a French-speaking friend for any important school meetings.

Joining the parents WhatsApp group can be a good way to get an idea of what is going on – it’ll be in French but at least you can look up the words you don’t understand. Once your child picks up French they can translate for you (although don’t be surprised if they stitch you up by ‘forgetting’ to translate anything that might get them in trouble).

What sort of school bag do they need?

Most children starting school with a new backpack – known as a cartable.

As they get older, these bags get bigger, as workloads get heavier. By collège (age 11 to 14) or lycée (age 15 to 18), your children may be lugging round several kilos of school stuff. And it may be tempting to get them a wheeled bag – check with the school, first, however. Some don’t allow them.

What clothes do they need?

A few schools in France have a uniform policy. Most, however, do not. It is routinely expected, though, that children are reasonably well turned out, and dressed appropriately for the weather conditions.

From September, pupils will not be allowed to wear the long robe or dress known as the abaya, as part of a crackdown on France’s laws on secularism. Female pupils are not allowed to wear the hijab or Muslim headscarf.

Winter coats: Children still go outside at break time, even in the depths of winter – if it’s raining, they may stay under a covered area, if the school has one, so they will need appropriate warm and waterproof clothing. Be aware that what the French consider ‘cold’ weather might not be the same as your notion of cold, and there will be tutting if your child doesn’t have a coat.

Sports kit: in maternelle and primary school (ages three to 11) sports education in school is pretty basic. You may want to dress your child in more suitable clothes on days they do sport – tracksuit bottoms, as opposed to jeans, for example – but don’t expect them to have anywhere to change.

By collège, you’ll get a list of required kit for sports lessons.

Spare underwear: Little children may still not have a 100 percent hit rate when it comes to making the toilet in time, especially in an unfamiliar setting, so one or more spare pairs of underwear may be an idea. It’s a requirement that children are fully toilet trained by the time they start maternelle, but in reality accidents happen and it shouldn’t be a big deal.

The school will probably have some spare clothes for emergencies, and – at the end of certain school days – you may be presented with a differently clothed child and a small, damp, bag.

It’s good form to wash any replacement clothes before returning them.

As always, it’s a sensible idea to mark the clothes with at least your child’s first name. You can buy name tags online where you can write your child’s name, school and your phone number to increase the likelihood of things making their way back to you.

Do I need to buy stationery?

Your school will send – probably already has sent – you a list of things your child / children must bring in on their first day known as fourniture scolaire. It can be very specific, in some cases down to the preferred make of certain items, or the weight of paper (really). Each teacher may even provide a different list.

Early on, it will include things like pencils, crayons, felt-tip pens, a pencil case, glue, plain paper, a wipe-clean writing slate, and tissues.

Further into your child’s schooling, expect to see a diary and a fountain pen among the items added to the list. The French are very particular about writing – and the pen you have carefully purchased may be held back by the teacher and presented, with a certain amount of sombre ceremony, to the child when they are deemed ready to use it.

You will also be asked to provide cardboard folders, files, clear plastic pockets, and an old shirt to protect clothes during art classes.

Do you need to buy textbooks?

Schools usually supply textbooks. You will be told to cover them. This is not really an early parenting standards test, honest.

Will there be homework?

Officially, homework is not a requirement until collège, but that doesn’t stop teachers from setting some for children in primary schools even from CP – the first year of école primaire.

Will my child need to be vaccinated?

Yes. Before a child starts school in France, parents are asked to provide proof of vaccination, with 11 vaccines now compulsory for school starters.

Children who are not vaccinated will not be fully enrolled in school. Instead they will be provisionally enrolled and the parents will be given three months to have the vaccinations carried out.

Diptheria, tetanus and polio vaccinations have been compulsory for some time, but in 2018 another eight were added to the list – whooping cough, measles, mumps, rubella, hepatitis B, influenza, pneumonia and meningitis C.

What food or drink does your child need to bring?

School meals in France are generally of a high standard, and are affordable. You can, if you want, take your child out of school at lunchtimes, or provide a packed lunch.

Some have gone so far as to say that French pupils have the best lunches in the world, with a balanced, multi-course menu offered each day with vegetarian alternatives.

Consider, also, a morning goûter of fruit and a drink; and perhaps an afternoon goûter. Don’t be too surprised, either, if your child starts demanding a post-school trip to the boulangerie for a croissant or pain au chocolat.

Do you need to come for the first day?

Schools may have a gathering of children and parents before classes on the first day back. There may even be coffee. It’s nice, but not compulsory. A parents-teacher meeting may also be organised in the early days, to advise parents about the year ahead. It’s a good idea to go to that so you get an idea of what’s in store, and early warning of any school trips.

Can I sit in with my child in class?

That’s something to check with the teacher, who may or may not be open to the idea. Parents don’t usually sit in with their children in classes because, in France, teachers teach and parents parent – and the two jobs are considered quite separate.

If you are used to the level of involvement parents can have in the US or UK, you may be surprised by how little daily interaction you have with your kid’s French school. At primary schools, the headteacher (directrice for a woman or directeur for a man) often stands at the school gate each morning, in case you need to talk to him or her, but don’t expect regular updates from your child’s class teacher.

A good way of knowing what’s going on inside the school is to become a member of the parent-teacher’s association (a ‘parent d’élève’).

Another way to get involved is to join the parents’ informal Whatsapp group. Ask around during pick-up or drop-off to find out how you can be added to it.

Can I take my child out of classes for holidays?

No… and yes. Sometimes.

Students are expected to attend scheduled classes, unless they have legitimate reasons for their absence – and going on a family holiday outside of the standard vacation periods set by the school calendar does not constitute a legitimate reason.

“It is not possible to envisage à la carte vacations that would disrupt the functioning of classes and harm schooling”, according to France’s Education Ministry.

Religious holidays, on the other hand, are acceptable reasons for a day off, but taking your kids back to the US for Thanksgiving probably would not be accepted.

What about any after-school activities?

On the whole, after-school activities aren’t really a thing. Your school may offer a garderie – which basically involves someone watching your child run around the playground before and after school, so that parents can fit work in between dropping off and picking up. This will normally entail a nominal fee.

Teachers may offer homework clubs, certainly as children get older, so that parents don’t have to deal with it (remember, teachers teach, parents parent).

Remember, too, classes on Wednesday are usually cut short at lunchtime, so that children can take part in extra-curricular activities, such as organised sports.

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