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FAMILY

Why being an immigrant parent in Sweden is not for the faint of heart

Being an immigrant parent isn't the picture-perfect image some make it out to be, it’s simultaneously brilliant and frightening, writes Victoria Martínez.

Why being an immigrant parent in Sweden is not for the faint of heart
Being an immigrant parent is a tough task at times. Photo: Hasse Holmberg/TT

As an immigrant parent, I am also something of an alchemist. I have transmuted two of the most simultaneously difficult and wonderful things I've ever done – parenting and living abroad – into one big, simultaneously difficult and wonderful thing. In the great alchemic tradition, my discovery is remarkable, but not entirely what I expected. Sometimes it seems like it might be pure gold. Other times, it is as unpredictable as primitive gunpowder.

Then I hear my children speaking three languages. When I realize how living in different countries has transformed and refined my thoughts and perspectives. When I think of all that I have seen and experienced and all the opportunities to come. When I recognize that I am living in one of the most progressive countries in the world, especially where family life, women and children are concerned. These are the good times.

Then there are the times when I sit at my desk, alone at home while my husband is at work and the children are in preschool, and cry at how hard it is to get settled in a new country, learn the language, deal with the bureaucracy, restart my career, and be the best mother and wife I can be, all without the safe and familiar proverbial “village”. This is when all I want is a hug from my mother, a long talk and good cry over a glass of wine with my best friend, and someone I know well enough to leave my children with for an evening so my husband and I can be alone together for once.

I truly dislike the social media-perpetuated image of living abroad as a picture-perfect adventure or extended vacation. No matter how beautiful the pictures may be, the reality of day-to-day life in another country is not for the faint of heart. It was hard when I was in my 20s and left my corporate career and personal bubble to travel and live solo in Europe. It was hard when my now-husband and I teamed up and lived in various places around the world. Of course, it was also wonderful and exciting and everything else it looks like in the pictures. But it was everyday life with all the problems and challenges that go along with it.


Families battling the Swedish weather. Photo: Hasse Holmberg/TT

The same is true of parenting. Before I became a parent, I didn't realize just how indescribably challenging it is to raise children. I thought I did, but I quickly realized how much my idealized perception of parenting had made me underestimate the job. Not surprisingly, now that I am a parent, I have come to dislike the idealized portrayal of parenting as much as I dislike that portrayal of living abroad. Combining these two things is nothing short of a firework show that is so simultaneously brilliant and frightening that it shouldn't be obscured by an artificial image of perfection.

In our quest to carve out the life that is best for us and our family, my husband and I have put thousands of miles between us and the people we love and trust the most. We have isolated ourselves from all that is familiar and comfortable. This was the choice we made, and for all the challenges it presents, we don't regret it. I find that I rarely regret deciding to take the more challenging path. At the same time, I choose to recognize, not obscure, my journey of dealing with and overcoming those challenges with as much humor and humility as I can muster.

Not once in its millennia-long history has alchemy ever created gold or the philosopher's stone. What it has created, usually unintentionally and sometimes from unexpected sources, is a collection of some of mankind’s most significant, strange, and even ridiculously-useless discoveries. Alchemy created phosphorous from urine. The science of toxicology originated with alchemy. An alchemist mixing sulfur and saltpeter created the basis of gunpowder. Hiding any of those discoveries because they weren’t gold would have been to deprive the world of something more valuable.

Whether the result is good, bad, or indifferent, without exploration, nothing would be created or discovered. By staying safely inside our literal or figurative comfort zone, we miss out on opportunities to grow and develop. And when we fail to share our frustrations and disappointments alongside our successes, we deprive the world of a greater “village” that can provide comfort, support and inspiration.

In sharing my journey as it really is rather than as a beautiful picture meant for admiring eyes, I am creating a village that incorporates people I know and love in far-away places, people I am just getting to know here in Sweden, and even people I don’t know who are also immigrants, parents, or a combination of both. Ultimately, this is the spirit which has led me to where I am today and which keeps me going when I wonder if I maybe I should have just stayed close to home.

Victoria Martínez is an American historical researcher, writer and author of three historical non-fiction books. She lives in Småland county, Sweden, with her Spanish husband and their two children.

Read more from her family column on The Local here.

For members

MOVING TO SWEDEN

Reader question: How can I retire to Sweden?

Although Sweden may be a less popular retirement destination than other European countries like Spain or Portugal, there are many pensioners who plan on retiring in the Nordic country. What are the rules for foreigners?

Reader question: How can I retire to Sweden?

Nordic citizens

Perhaps unsurprisingly, it’s easiest for Nordic citizens to retire in Sweden, as they enjoy unrestricted rights to live and work in any of the Nordic countries without the need for any kind of work or residence permits or EU residence documents.

This means that citizens of the Nordic countries can essentially just move to Sweden and register their arrival at the Tax Agency upon their arrival, bringing with them a passport or national ID card, as well as documentation proving their civil status (married, registered partner, single or divorced), and the birth certificate of any children moving with them.

EU citizens

The situation for EU citizens is similar to that of Nordic citizens. 

EU citizens also report their move to the Tax Agency upon arrival in Sweden, and will need to show identity documents (such as a national ID card or passport), provide their full address in Sweden, including four-figure apartment number if applicable, as well as the name of whoever they are living with if they are living in someone else’s home.

They will also need to prove that they have EU right of residence. This can be done in a number of ways, including proof of work or proof of studies, but the relevant path for most retirees is proof of self-sufficiency, which essentially means documenting housing costs, including electricity and home insurance, and showing that you have some means of covering these financially, such as via a bank statement with a high enough balance, confirmation of a pension of a sufficient size, or an employment contract and payslip from another country, if the applicant is not planning on fully retiring straight away.

It’s also possible to prove self-sufficiency by providing a document or letter confirming that someone else can support you financially, along with a bank statement to back this up. There’s no application fee.

EU citizens may also need to provide proof of their civil status, whether they’re moving alone or with someone else.

Non-EU citizens

As a general rule, it’s not possible to retire to Sweden as a non-EU citizen unless your partner is a Swede or an EU citizen, or unless you’re a long-term resident of another EU country (if that applies to you, see below for details of these routes).

This is due to the fact that non-EU citizens need residency permits to live in Sweden, and these are only granted due to work, studies, or moving to live with someone who already has the right to live in Sweden.

If you don’t have a Swedish or EU partner but you have plans to retire to Sweden at some point in the future, you could in theory get a work permit in Sweden and work until you qualify for permanent residency, which usually means working in Sweden for at least five years.

Note that Sweden’s government is planning on reforming the permanent residency rules, so it’s likely that applicants choosing to do this would have to take language and civics tests in order to qualify for permanent residency in the future. 

It is also likely that the residence requirement for permanent residency could be extended or otherwise altered within the next five years, so be prepared that the rules could change in the future if you do decide to go down this route.

What if only one of us is an EU citizen?

If you’re planning to move as a couple but only one of you is an EU citizen, the non-EU citizen should be able to qualify for a residence card as a family member of an EU citizen.

This allows the non-EU family member to live in Sweden as long as their EU citizen partner fulfils EU right of residence rules (by documenting self-sufficiency as explained above, for example). There is no application fee.

In order to get an EU residence card, the non-EU citizen must have a valid passport, be able to show that they belong to the same family as the EU citizen (through, for example, a marriage certificate or proof of cohabitation), and the EU citizen must be able to show that they meet the EU right of residence requirements.

This doesn’t just apply to partners or spouses of EU citizens either – it can be used for children of either parent aged 21 or under, or other family members who are financially dependent on the applicant (including children over 21 and parents, or anyone the applicant takes care of due to serious health reasons).

You may also need to provide proof that you are either covered by the social insurance system in your country of origin, or proof that you have taken out full-coverage private healthcare insurance for your stay in Sweden.

Swedes are not normally considered EU citizens in this context, unless they were recently living with their partner in another EU/EEA country or Switzerland. See below for the rules for couples consisting of a non-EU citizen and a Swede.

What if one of us is a non-EU citizen and the other is a Swede?

The process for non-EU citizens wishing to retire to Sweden with their Swedish partner varies, depending on where the couple lived before retiring.

If the couple lived together in another EU country (this includes the UK if they lived there together before Brexit), they can apply under the route described above for non-EU partners of EU citizens.

If that is not the case, they can apply for a residence permit to move to a spouse or cohabiting partner in Sweden, sometimes referred to as a “sambo visa” (sambo is the Swedish word for a cohabiting partner).

In this case, the Swede must be able to support both themselves and their partner (which in 2023 meant having at least 9,445 kronor left after housing costs are paid each month), and have a house which is big enough – a home of at least one room with a kitchen or kitchenette, for a couple without children. The application fee is 2,000 kronor for an adult.

What about non-EU citizens who previously lived in Sweden?

In some cases, non-EU citizens who have previously held a permanent residence permit in Sweden are eligible for a new residence permit if they can prove sufficient ties to Sweden.

If they have been living abroad for three years or less, they must have lived in Sweden for at least four years in order to be eligible for a new permit. 

Non-EU citizens living outside Sweden for more than three years must usually have lived in Sweden for at least ten years to qualify for a “returning to Sweden” permit, or if they can prove sufficient ties to Sweden in some other way.

The Migration Agency will assess your application to determine how strong your ties are to Sweden compared with your home country or the other country you have been living in since you left Sweden, and factors such as where you chose to have a family or whether your reasons for leaving Sweden were out of your control will be taken into account.

If your permit is granted, your partner or any other family member wishing to come with you will also need to apply for a permit to join you in Sweden, most likely a residence permit to move to a spouse or cohabiting partner in Sweden.

What about non-EU citizens who have long-term residence permits from another EU country?

In some cases, non-EU citizens who have lived in another EU country for at least five years are able to move to Sweden under EU freedom of movement rules.

This particular route applies to holders of the EC/EU residence permit for long term residents. This grants them certain rights similar to the rights of EU citizens, including the right to move to other EU countries to work, study, start a business or live off a pension.

Not all EU countries issue these permits – Denmark and Ireland do not issue long-term resident status cards to their non-EU residents – and they have different names in different countries, but if you have one of these cards you will be able to move to Sweden as long as you also fulfill the self-sufficiency rules for EU citizens. You will need to apply for the card in your country of residence before moving to Sweden.

You cannot, however, register your arrival at the Tax Agency, like EU citizens, and will instead need to apply for a residence permit from the Migration Agency within three months of arrival.

You will need to fill in this form (Application for a residence permit for persons who have long-term resident status in another EU state and their family members, 137011), and either hand it in directly to a Migration Agency permit service unit or post it to the Migration Agency office responsible for EEA and long-term residence permits. The fee costs 1,500 kronor for adults and adult family members, or 750 kronor for children under the age of 18. 

What about Brits?

Brits moving to Sweden after December 31st, 2020 are subject to the same rules as non-EU citizens. This means that they will need to apply for a residence permit or a card proving right of residence as a family member of an EU citizen if they wish to move to Sweden, or will need to hold a EC/EU residence permit from another EU country.

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