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18 mistakes foreigners make when first moving to Sweden

So you think you can handle Sweden? Here are 18 of some of the most common mistakes that newcomers make when they first arrive in the Nordic country.

Published: 3 August 2016 06:59 CEST
Updated: 3 May 2023 15:19 CEST

18 mistakes foreigners make when first moving to Sweden

Good luck trying to pay with cash in Sweden. Photo: Fredrik Sandberg/TT

1. Trying to pay in cash. Even before the pandemic, Swedes used their debit cards three times as frequently as the average European, even to pay for smaller amounts. Many shops and bars stopped accepting cash when Covid-19 broke out and never looked back – so don’t bother waving those kronor around, just use contactless. Or Swish.

2. Only staying in Stockholm. We do love the Swedish capital. But there is so much more to Sweden, from the stunning north with its cool-but-not-in-your-face-cool towns to the southern beaches and trendy food scene. Don’t just stay in Stockholm. Get out there and visit Sweden.

3. Pressing the button when getting off the metro. If you do visit Stockholm, remember that unlike in many other cities, and despite there being a button next to the doors on the metro, they open automatically at every stop whether you press it or not. But you’re not alone, a member of The Local’s editorial team once admitted it took him months before he stopped getting weird looks from Swedish passengers.

They open by themselves. Like magic. Photo: Cecilia Larsson Lantz/Imagebank.sweden.se

4. Showing up late to a dinner party. What’s the point of a starting time if nobody respects it?

5. Showing up early to a dinner party. See above.

Show up on time for the crayfish party. Photo: Carolina Romare/imagebank.sweden.se

6. Making small talk with strangers. Many a foreigner has been left wondering why the seemingly innocuous remark “hi, lovely weather isn’t it?” made their Swedish neighbour/shopkeeper/passerby stare at them in horror. Congratulations, you’ve just learned that Swedes don’t do small talk. Keep trying, if you insist, but… be gentle.

7. Making only expat friends. If you just moved here for work or studies and don’t have a native partner, this is a trap that is easy to fall into in any country. Perhaps even more so if you don’t have the stamina to tackle the reserved Swedes (see Lex Swedes Don’t Do Small Talk). But don’t give up, the Swedes actually make lovely, kind-hearted friends, and your experience here will be all the richer for it.

Life goal: befriend a Swede. Photo: Anna Öhlund/imagebank.sweden.se

8. Addressing your university teacher by their title. Equal Swedes aren’t particularly big on titles, so even if your teachers are “Doctor Andersson” and “Professor Svensson” boasting a string of noteworthy scholarly accolades, they will insist that you call them “Ingrid” or “Bosse”.

9. Sit out the office fika. Skipping the institutionalised office morning coffee and cake to instead keep working through that pile of documents on your desk after the holidays is tantamount to kidnapping your boss’ dog, painting it pink and hoisting it up the flag pole. It’s just not done.

What an office fika (that you really shouldn’t miss) might look like. Photo: Lena Granefelt/imagebank.sweden.se

10. Going to the bank after work. Only a decade or so ago, Swedish banks used to have a tradition that they always closed at 3pm. This rule has been loosened somewhat in the past few years, but many banks – particularly in small towns – still close remarkably early even on weekdays.

11. Buying booze at the last minute. Thinking of nipping to the store to pick up a bottle of wine for your host on your way to the party? Forget it. State-owned monopoly Systembolaget closes at 3pm on Saturday and 7pm or earlier on weekdays. Get there early to avoid the queues.

12. Not bringing your leg to Systemet. Speaking of Systembolaget, don’t forget to bring your leg. No, that’s not a body part. It’s short for ‘legitimation’, your photo identification document. Even if you are well past the age where anyone would reasonably mistake you for someone under 20, they will ask for your ID.

13. Doing your laundry after 10pm. Many Swedes don’t own a laundry machine, but instead wash their clothes in communal laundry rooms in their apartment blocks. Before you do this, it is very important you read the rules and stick to them. You don’t want to be on the receiving end of a tvättstugelapp.

Doing some rogue nighttime laundry, perhaps? Photo: Magnus Liam Karlsson/imagebank.sweden.se

14. Getting offended when someone says “Oj!” While the word in English-speaking countries is a slightly ill-mannered way to attract somebody’s attention, sometimes followed by an angry outburst, in Swedish it means “oops”. So when you stepped on that Swede’s foot on the bus and he exclaimed “oj!” that’s all he meant. Not to confuse with “aj!”, meaning “ouch”.

15. Raising your voice. Don’t raise your voice in an argument, even if it is just to show you are excited about making your point. Your soft-spoken Swedish friends will think you hate them.

16. Not mastering the Swedish hug. First time you meet someone, shake their hand. Every other time thereafter, hug them. Don’t even try giving them a peck on the cheek, it will frighten them.

17. Not learning the language. English speakers tend to get an easy ride in Sweden, because so many Swedes speak English (and in fact will insist on speaking it to you even when you do make an effort). But a lot of a country’s heart and soul is in its language, and if you don’t learn Swedish you will lose out on words such as knullrufs, orka or vabba.

18. Trying to join the gym without a personnummer. You’ve got a better chance of winning the lottery.

What’s the most embarrassing mistake you’ve made in Sweden? Let us know on Facebook or Twitter, or drop us an email.

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'Sometimes I explode inside': How foreigners in Sweden become more Swedish to fit in

Many thanks to everyone who responded to our survey, out of which more than a third (we heard from 74 readers in total, representing at least 25 nationalities) said they had tried to make themselves more Swedish to fit into life in Sweden.

Some said it was a conscious decision out of respect for their new country.

“I think it’s important to be aware of the social customs and rules of a society that one has decided to join and to integrate and assimilate as much as possible, but one can always balance this with ways to maintain your original identity,” said Diane from Australia.

“But I think it’s important that since we have made the decision to live in a new place that we give it the respect and value that it deserves by learning and understanding the written and unwritten rules and looking to largely follow them (there’s always some wiggle room of course – common sense must prevail!).”

Many readers mentioned dressing in more muted than bright colours, speaking more quietly, avoiding bragging about themselves, respecting other people’s privacy more, avoiding conflict or simply just learning to speak the language or observing Swedish traditions and customs such as Midsummer’s Eve or fika breaks, as things they had started doing differently since moving to Sweden.

Some people said that the change had happened organically over time, as a natural part of picking up new habits and customs from the new environment around you, and many people said they had found it to be a positive experience.

“Changed the way I dress, work out where I need to be on the train in order to be close to the exit when I get off the train, work in week numbers and not a specific date and more wary when approaching strangers,” said Ami, a teacher from South Africa. “In some ways I’ve enjoyed being more Swedish. I felt more pressure with changing the way I dress but I have enjoyed it.”

Some said it was a deliberate decision which had paid off in terms of feeling more at home in Sweden but also in terms of developing as a person and discovering new sides of themselves.

Pinelopi, a reader from Greece who lives in Värmland in central Sweden, said she felt like becoming more Swedish – for example by taking part in traditions, talking about the weather and mimicking Swedish sounds like saying “ah” for “yes” – had opened up more opportunities for her to feel like she lived in the country “for real”, and that Swedes had responded by being more friendly and open to her.

“Even though you can live in Sweden without being fluent in Swedish, learning the language really opened up a lot of opportunities for social network building,” she added. “I wanted to build a life here and I live by ‘when in Rome…’ I feel lucky because I can choose aspects of being Swedish that work well for me as well as integrating aspects of being Greek into my identity that Swedes seem to respect and even admire, for example being decisive and not being afraid to speak up if something doesn’t feel right.”

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She wasn’t the only one who pointed out that having your feet in two cultures could be a bonus as it meant being able to pick the best of both, although those who said this also acknowledged that they were able to do so because their home culture was generally well respected in Sweden.

“Appear less egotistical in CV. Talk less loudly. Don’t work more hours or ‘harder’ than colleagues. Lower expectations, go for lagom rather than the best,” said Kristen from the US, who said she made the choice to change consciously and without any social pressure.

“It’s just a part of integrating in another culture. You look around to see what others do and try to follow along and fit in. I also chose to learn Swedish. Sometimes I feel that I am not acting like my true self here in order to fit in and be successful. On the other hand, I can definitely get away with behaviour outside the socially acceptable norm, because I am American, and not Swedish,” she said.

Theodore, a PhD student and another reader from the US, said that he saw it as personal growth:

“We Americans can struggle culturally with a desire to overshare our accomplishments and speak too much to keep conversations going. Sweden’s egalitarian culture of humble quietude provides a really great way for me to reflect on my own ‘American’ impulses and how I move through the world because of them. These differences can be found between cultures everywhere and I believe it provides a great opportunity for personal growth, even when adjustments can be hard.”

Gaurav from India said that for him, it had happened automatically “but probably driven by a subliminal urge to fit in which is much more potent than I’d ever accept, coming from the diverse concoction that is India” and added that it had on the whole had both positive and negative effects on him.

“In the cases where fitting in has made my life better (more runs, better diet), it’s been fun! But in some of the cases where I find myself withdrawing to a more private life where I pretend to ride on a high horse and ignore others or judge them – it’s been a conscious struggle to remind myself who the real me is and not go too far into the jantelagen way of life!” he said.

Khalid, a Palestinian engineer in Jönköping, said it was the absence of pressure from his closest circle to fit in which made him feel comfortable to pick up Swedish habits and traits.

“Speaking the language, participating and even taking up a role on the board at one of the local sports associations. Taking up a Swedish nickname, being on time. Waiting for others to finish their sentences then saying ja precis, buying local products and dining at Ikea once a week,” he said.

Extremely traditional Midsummer’s Eve celebrations in Dalarna. Photo: Ulf Palm/TT

Nick from the UK said he kept himself more private and less gregarious or spontaneous than in his pre-Swedish life, but that fitting in had mostly come with increased familiarity of the system.

“It was initially a conscious decision but over time it’s become the norm of how I behave, and many of the friends I’ve kept from prior to my move to Sweden seem louder than I remember them being previously. I do still like to strike up a conversation with a random stranger, however,” he said.

Some saw adapting to more Swedish ways of life as a pragmatic means to an end.

“Staying calm even when I am angry about somebody, never shouting as I would do in my home country,” said Erwin from Switzerland, who said he had realised that staying calm and avoiding conflict would help him get further. “Sometimes I explode inside, but am happy to get what I want.”

But not everyone was happy with how they had changed since moving to Sweden. A common regret was that the pressure to integrate and assimilate had caused them to feel like they had lost part of their own personality and been forced into being less outspoken and friendly.

“I feel my soul is dead and I am a robot now most of the time,” said an Indian engineer in Stockholm. “Subconsciously I now have an emotionless face in public transport which is like a ‘don’t disturb me’ face. I used to be a happy and open person before moving here.”

“I have become quieter and less outlandish and less contrarian,” said a reader who preferred to remain anonymous. They said that the change hadn’t been the result of outside pressure and had happened automatically, but had nevertheless left them depressed and frustrated.

“I feel like being more Swedish has dulled my shine, the unique part of my personality that made me, me,” they said.

stockholm metro

A lot of readers said they interacted less with strangers than they used to. Photo: Ali Lorestani/TT

A teacher based outside Stockholm said she had slowly become less verbal and enthusiastic in work meetings as she found there was very little reaction to her enthusiasm and energy.

“It has been both positive and negative,” she said. “On the positive side I have taken a more passive and observing role which means I don’t feel I have to contribute. On the negative side, I have many great ideas for developing the organisation which I don’t share any more.”

“I am not as friendly any more. When I first moved here I was really friendly and went out of my way to say hi to people. I got shut down so many times that I stopped doing it,” said Molly, an American reader living in the countryside outside Halmstad in south-western Sweden.

“I feel like I’m not my full self, less joyful as I can’t share my sense of humour. I’m not usually successful in making jokes in Swedish. Previously I enjoyed making people laugh, being witty,” she said.

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A French reader said he used less sarcasm than he used to and that he was more careful watching his words to avoid offending anyone, including being less direct and spontaneous overall.

“I wouldn’t say it was imposed on me, but I felt like it was a way to fit in, which is a psychological construct and not a necessity (embrace your differences),” he said.

Some people said the experience had left them feeling lonely, including a Gothenburg-based reader from Hong Kong who said she now avoided asking people personal questions, and a British teacher in Stockholm who said she had stopped making eye contact or trying to talk to strangers, because “Swedes do this to me so no point in trying any more”.

While the majority of people said they had tried to change themselves in order to fit in, some people said they hadn’t.

Some said it was because they simply felt no need to, either because they came from a country similar enough to Sweden, or because they felt they were accepted anyway.

A couple of people said they hadn’t tried to change because they had no Swedish friends to learn from or to fit in with, and some said they refused to compromise themselves to appease others.

“I am not going to change who I am to fit in. It took me some time but I found friends, both international and Swedish that share the same values and interests. I have also learned Swedish, as I like languages,” said a French-Lebanese reader in Stockholm.

“I think diversity in society is really healthy, so I have avoided trying to become more Swedish because Swedish society is so homogeneous,” said Alexander, an American reader in Stockholm.

“While there are some great things about Swedish society, Swedes could benefit greatly from an increased exposure to greater cultural and intellectual diversity,” he added. “I think Swedes have much more to gain from opening themselves up to new ideas and cultures from around the world than foreigners do by conforming to extremely narrow and restrictive Swedish norms and ideals.”

Rakesh, an Indian-Swedish IT architect in Stockholm, said he had found “no need to change and practically it’s not possible for anyone to change, it’s just we need to respect others and be mindful with our public and social behaviour”.

“We as members of this society need to understand our rights and responsibility. Respecting diversity is already part of Indian society,” he said. “Apart from language and food, I never felt any adjustment was needed to become part of this society.”

Have you made yourself more Swedish to fit in? Join the conversation in the comments below.

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