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LANGUAGE AND CULTURE

The A to Z guide to dating an Italian

So you're thinking of dating an Italian? Here's our A to Z guide on navigating the Italian dating scene.

Published: 11 September 2015 11:48 CEST
Updated: 13 February 2021 10:27 CET

Photo: Shutterstock

Aperitivo

Let's start at the beginning.

The informal Italian aperitivo is a great way to get to know your new love interest on a first date, without breaking the bank.

Be persistent

Men, take note. Some Italian woman expect to be conquered, so be prepared to put the hours in and dedicate yourself to some serious romance.

Conquer by cooking

Italians are frequently excellent cooks, so expect to be cooked for. The negative side of this is that, while you may also be a genius in the kitchen, your Italian partner might kick you out.

Dutch dates

The general convention in Italy is that the guy will pay for your date, so gentlemen should make sure they bring enough money to cover the bill in case she doesn't offer to split it.

Early

As in, 'don't bother being on time'.

It's perfectly normal for Italians to turn up 10-15 minutes late to anything. Dates are no exception. And if the wait is even longer that that? While there are limits, remember that punctuality just isn't such a big deal in Italy. Try to keep your cool.

Fidanzato/a

This one is a biggie.

Fidanzato literally means “betrothed”, so when your Italian boyfriend or girlfriend starts referring to you as their findanzato/a it's a sign that things are getting serious.

Be warned – the turning point is normally when you go to dinner at their parents' house.

Gender roles

In Italy's overwhelmingly patriarchal society, a more defined division of gender roles persists. Especially in the more traditional, Catholic south of the country.

Men from other cultures might find it baffling that their Italian girlfriend demands he 'look after' her. Whereas women might view their Italian boyfriend's desire to 'protect his woman' a little chauvinistic.

High maintenance

Let's just say that it's no coincidence that the word 'diva' is an Italian word. Men need to be prepared to give as good as they get!

Intimacy

Generally speaking, Italians are much more touchy-feely, which can cause a headache when it comes to reading the signs.

Just because your cute Italian friend hugs you and ruffles your hair, it doesn't necessarily mean there is a romantic interest from their part.

You might be in the dreaded 'friend zone'.

Jokes

The language of love may be universal, but humour certainly isn't.

English people take note: 'English humour' is a term Italians often use to describe a joke that just isn't funny.

Think carefully before starting a conversation with “three nuns walked into a bar…”

Kids

Though Italians famously love kids, there are in fact fewer children being born in the country every year. But your Italian partner may still be keen to bring up the subject surprisingly early on.

Look good

If you're going on a date with anybody from any nationality, you should of course always put a bit of effort into how you look.

But Italians are well known for taking this to another level.

Generally, most Italians are on point with style and will turn up for a date (or any occasion) looking their best. Make sure you do the same.

Mamma

Women beware: Italian men are slightly notorious for being mummy's boys – or mammoni.

Obviously this is not true for all men, but generally in Italian culture, mamma continues to look after her sons until they are well into their 30s (and beyond), much to the fury of their exasperated partners.

If you're from a culture where this doesn't happen, brace yourself.

'No' means 'no' in both English and Italian – men, take note.

Odd numbers

Gift-giving is always tricky. But if you're buying flowers for your Italian girlfriend or boyfriend, they should be given in an odd number, for superstitious reasons. That said, a bunch of 12 is perfectly fine on your wedding day.

Playing hard to get

As a general rule, Italian women are good at this, so don't expect this to be easy. Italian men are expecting it, so girls can have plenty of fun making them sweat.

Quick

Woah there. Slow down. This is dating Italian style. Linger over your dinner, have a philosophical chat. Whatever you do, take things slow.

Ragazzo/a

The Italian word for boyfriend or girlfriend, but it is generally used in the early stages of a relationship before things get too serious.

Scooter

Italian men, listen up. Foreign women of all ages are going to dig your scooter and want to be taken for a spin on the back of it.

However, it should be noted that the novelty of this has worn off for all Italian women over the age of 18.

Tinder

Probably not the best place to start.

Italians are known as outgoing and sociable people and there are plenty of opportunities to find Mr or Miss Right without going online.

Ultra – passionate?

The Italians have a reputation for being some of the most passionate people on the planet. There might just be something to it.

One woman told The Local that Italians were “way more passionate than Nordic people”. Crikey.

Vanity

Italian men have a reputation for vanity so be careful not to insult their good looks! On the plus side, they will turn up for dates looking impeccable.

Whatsapp

A bit of a double-edged sword. While it's great for breaking the ice, Whatsapp has been linked to the soaring rate of divorce in Italy right now.

As in, your partner's dreaded Ex.

Ex's will rear their ugly heads from time to time as they are wont to do. Sorry folks, in Italy, it's the same old story…

Yellow

In Italy, yellow is the colour of jealousy – so flower givers beware. In the UK and US, yellow flowers are a symbol of friendship.

Don't get it wrong in Italy, or you risk sending out the wrong message.

Zoo

If you play your cards right, that's exactly where you could be taking your Italian grandchildren in 40 years time…

Carpe Diem!

Ice to AC: Nine of the most common American misconceptions about Italy

It’s no secret that Americans love to visit Italy; the Washington Post predicted in December that the country would be Americans’ top foreign tourist destination for 2023, and the volume of US visitors who’ve arrived in Italy since then appears to have borne this out.

But while many Americans have a deep knowledge of – and love for – Italian culture, there are some surprisingly enduring myths about Italy that can be found in the USA specifically.

Some come close to the truth, while others fall wide of the mark.

There is no ice in Europe/Italian restaurants charge for ice

Fiction – Americans love ice, beverages are routinely served with it and refrigerators in the US often have some type of ice dispenser attached to the door.

But in Italy, ice is simply less prioritised. While ice in your drink will usually not cost you extra, you might need to specifically request it. Soft drinks in Italy are usually served without ice, so if you want your beverage iced, you need to request the drink con ghiaccio – with ice.

A classic Italian spritz should always come with ice. Photo by Tomasz Rynkiewicz on Unsplash

Italian homes don’t have dryers

Fact (mostly) – Tumble dryers do exist in Italy, but they’re rare. A survey published by Italy’s national statistics office (Istat) in 2014 found that just 3.3 percent of Italian households had one, whereas 96.2 percent had a washing machine and 39.3 percent a dishwasher.

Those washing lines strung with laundry hanging above the heads of passers by aren’t there just to create a quaint backdrop for photos – people make wide use of the abundant sun to air dry their clothes and sheets.

That does not mean that Italians in cities don’t occasionally use clothes dryers though if they’re in a rush; some might take items to a nearby laundromat.

McDonald’s is healthier in Italy

Fact (sort of) – McDonald’s uses different ingredients based on the country, and the Big Mac in Italy is (slightly) healthier than the one sold in the United States. It is slightly less calorific, with 509 kCal in contrast to the American Big Mac’s 540 kCal per 100g.

The Italian Big Mac also has less salt and fat, but it does not compare to the world’s healthiest Big Mac (found in Israel).

McDonald’s in Italy also uses EU-sourced ingredients, and the EU restricts the usage of additives and growth hormones. For example Azodicarbonamide which is used to bleach flour, is banned in the EU, but not in the United States, where McDonald’s was still using it as of 2016.

It is true, however, that you can buy beer in McDonald’s in Italy.

McDonald’s burgers are marginally healthy in Italy compared to the US. Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Italians drive small cars

Fiction (increasingly) – Think of Italian cars, and you might picture a classic Fiat 500 puttering around picturesque cobbled streets – but that’s all changing.

2021 was a historic year for the Italian automotive industry: the sale of SUVs surpassed those of medium-sized sedans for the first time, claiming 48 percent of the market share compared to the sedan’s 45 percent.

That may not match the US, where SUVs and pick-up trucks currently account for around 73 percent of vehicles sold, but it’s a huge increase from 2012, when SUVs made up just 17 percent of vehicle sales in Italy.

There are no free public toilets

Fact (mostly) – You will occasionally find an Italian town or city that offers some free public toilets. For the most part though, you’ll have to pay, including in train stations – and even paid public toilets are few and fair between.

Instead, you’re better off heading to one of the many caffe-bars found all over the country and paying for a euro for a bottle of water or a coffee so you can use their facilities – if you ask nicely, you might even be allowed to go for free.

Metro stations, supermarkets and grocery stores tend to not have any toilets at all, and neither will most clothing stores. One place you will find plenty of free public bathrooms, though, is a motorway service station.

Something that strikes many visitors to Italy as odd is the lack of seats on public toilets. Exactly why this is the case is debated, but there’s a general consensus that the phenomenon has rapidly accelerated in the past couple of decades.

A street sign at an antiques fair in Turin. Free toilets in Italy are few and far between. Photo by rashid khreiss on Unsplash

Italy doesn’t have air conditioning

Fact (sort of) – There’s not no air conditioning in Italy – in fact data from Italy’s national statistics office showed that one in two Italian households had AC in 2021.

It’s far less popular than in the US, though, where 90 percent of households have air conditioning. There’s still not much of a culture of AC in Italy, where many believe it will give you a colpo d’aria leading to at best a sore neck and at worst pneumonia – so even households that have a unit tend to use it sparingly.

If your hotel or Airbnb doesn’t specifically mention AC, you can assume it doesn’t have it.

Coca-Cola tastes different in Italy

Fact – While Coke is available almost everywhere in the world, the actual ingredients in Coca-Cola are different in some countries, which could lead some Coke connoisseurs to notice a difference in taste between the products in the US and those in the EU.

The biggest difference is the regular Coke – in the US this uses high fructose corn syrup while in Europe cane sugar is used to sweeten the product, resulting in a significant difference in taste.

You’re much more likely in Italy to come across Coca Zero, the zero-sugar version of Coca-Cola, than Coca-Coca Light, the European version of Diet Coke, which has always been hard to find and which some online sources say Italy stopped distributing altogether in 2022.

Coke in the US: different to its European counterparts. Photo by Cody Engel on Unsplash

You don’t need to tip

Fact – It’s not necessary to tip after a restaurant meal in Italy. However, this is a matter of personal choice and you are free to do so (tipping certainly won’t cause upset).

Diners do often leave some change after a particularly enjoyable meal. In terms of how much to give, some people round up a bill to include a tip, while others give what spare change they have.

Some people may also opt to tip other professionals as well, such as taxi drivers and cleaners, but again – this is optional and typically not a large quantity. In some apartment buildings, residents may give a Christmas card with money inside to the portiere (doorman) as a kind of annual tip.

All cars are stick shift

Mostly fact – In the United States, stick shift vehicles are becoming a thing of the past, but in Italy they are still very much being bought and driven.

As of 2018, around 20 percent of new cars sold in Italy were automatic – which is much higher than the less-than-one percent sold in the 1980s, but still a lot less than the US’s figure of 96 percent.

That said, around 70 percent of SUVs sold in Italy use automatic transition, so with the popularity of these larger vehicles on the rise, you can expect to see more automatics on Italian roads in the future.

What do you think? Have you noticed any other common beliefs or misconceptions about Italy in the US, or elsewhere? We’d love to hear from you in the comments section below.

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