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Kaiser to rule again from Berlin

In a shock decision, the German government announced on Wednesday that it had asked civil servants to re-draft the constitution to restore the monarchy.

Kaiser to rule again from Berlin
The Berliner Stadtschloss (city palace) in 1904. Photo: Wikimedia Commons

Did you fall for our April Fool's Day prank?

We regret to announce that the following article was completely the product of our journalists' fervid imaginations, and does not, in fact, represent real events that took place.

“We've been so inspired by our British friends and their unparalleled system of constitutional monarchy that we want to achieve the same for ourselves,” Chancellor Angela Merkel told an extraordinary session of the Bundestag [German parliament].

The changes mean that come the next election in 2017, Merkel will drive from her modernist, cuboid office opposite the Bundestag to the newly-rebuilt Imperial Palace (Kaiserliches Schloss) at the other end of Unter den Linden in a horse-drawn carriage, to ask the new Kaiser to grant a dissolution of parliament.

Originally intended to serve as a historical art gallery, the rebuilt Schloss will instead become the permanent residence of the monarch.

As well as bringing the German constitution up to date with the British, Germany also hopes to boost tourist revenue with the move.

“We all know that no-one would visit Britain's castles, cities and monuments if they didn't know there was a chance the Queen might show up at any moment,” Anton Falschmann of the German Tourist Board said.

“A new Kaiser in Germany could draw millions more tourists every year in the hope of catching sight of him.”

Germany will also issue new Euro coins bearing the monarch's profile, while Deutsche Post will begin a new series of commemorative stamps featuring the Kaiser in equestrian poses.

The offical name of the country will be changed to the Imperial Republic of Germany.

The man who would be king

The current head of the House of Hohenzollern, Georg Friedrich Ferdinand Prinz von Preußen, is the most sought-after candidate to ascend to the German throne.

But the 38-year-old prince is understood to be reluctant to take up the post, saying that it “didn't work out too well for great-great-grandpa” Wilhelm II the last time the family was in charge.

Some politicians have mooted instead marrying the ancient tradition of the monarchy with a newer German passion, reality television.

A high-stakes “Germany seeks its Kaiser” – rather than the traditional “Germany seeks its Super-Star” – would likely be the highest-rated television show in German history.

Advocates hope that it could raise the initial funds needed to set up the royal household.

SEE ALSO: 'Germany needs the moral guidance of a monarchy'

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ROYAL

French magazine must pay 190,000 euros over Kate Middleton topless pics

A French court ruled Tuesday that a French celebrity magazine must pay 100,000 euros in damages to Britain's Prince William and his wife Kate over topless photos of the duchess published in 2012.

French magazine must pay 190,000 euros over Kate Middleton topless pics
AFP
 
The court also ordered Closer magazine's editor Laurence Pieau and publisher Ernesto Mauri to each pay 45,000 euros ($53,000) in fines, the maximum possible.
   
The couple had sought 1.5 million euros in damages and interest.
   
Closer magazine's lawyer Paul-Albert Iweins said he was “pleased” with the ruling on the damages to pay, but said the fine was “exaggerated for a simple private matter.”
   
For his part, the royal couple's lawyer Jean Veil declined to comment, adding that Kensington Palace would make a statement.
 
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AFP  
   
The grainy snaps of Kate Middleton sunbathing in a bikini bottom were taken while she was on holiday in September 2012 in the south of France with her husband, the second in line to the British throne.
   
The couple were snapped with a long lens relaxing by a pool at a chateau belonging to Viscount Linley, a nephew of Queen Elizabeth.
   
The pictures triggered a furious reaction from the royal family in Britain, where several newspapers rejected an offer to buy the pictures.
   
Closer, a glossy gossip magazine, was the first to splash them on its cover, and they were later reproduced in several other European publications, including Chi in Italy and Ireland's Daily Star.
   
The royals — who announced Monday they are expecting a third child — filed a criminal complaint for invasion of privacy and obtained an injunction preventing further use of the images.
   
In a letter read out in court, William said the case reminded him of the paparazzi hounding of his mother, princess Diana, who was killed in a car crash in Paris 20 years ago.
   
Two Paris-based agency photographers,  were each given fines of 10,000 euros, with 5,000 euros suspended.
 
'Positive image'
 
The prosecution had called for “very heavy” fines for the editor of the French Closer and Mondadori France, which is part of former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi's media empire.
   
The royals had joined the case as civil plaintiffs.
   
During the trial, Closer's lawyers argued that the pictures were in the public interest and conveyed a “positive image” of the royals.
   
The court also ordered the magazine to hand over the files with the images to the royal couple.
   
They learned of their impending publication while on an Asia-Pacific tour to mark the diamond jubilee of William's grandmother Queen Elizabeth II.