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THE RULES OF THE GAME

SEX

Romance in France: Sex, Champagne and je t’aime

This step-by-step guide by French blogger Muriel Jacques is not guaranteed to help you find your true love, but it will help shed some light on those famously romantic French folk, who seem to have their own set of Gallic rules when it comes to love.

Romance in France: Sex, Champagne and je t'aime
Dating in France. How do they do it in France? The rules of the game. Photo:Shutterstock
If you feel like you're always on your own, it is time to step up your game and make a move.  But how do we French make a move? Well, I am not going to lie to you: it will be hard. For starters, you need to forget everything you have learned, and do it the French way. Here’s some pointers.

A.     Don’t smile. Don’t look happy. Pout. I know that this sounds completely counter-intuitive, but it works. We French love making things complicated. He/she will notice you. Just don’t smile.

B.     The guy has to take the initiative. It sounds old-fashioned, but that’s how it works. But if the woman does take the initiative, she has to make the man believe that he did all the work. It’s exhausting. But if you don’t do it, you will look needy.

C.     For condoms. Always have (at least) one in your purse. Because sleeping with him/her on the very first date will not be held against you. That said, don’t get your hopes up.

D.    Men need to be very forward. Women expect the whole shebang: flowers, dinners, love declarations, text messages and even small gifts. French women need to play hard to get. Sad but true. My tip for him: text her as soon as the date is over to tell her you already miss her. For her: always look busy, and never accept a date immediately.

E.     Always be at least 15 minutes late. Personally I hate it but that’s the way it is. We French are always late. And no cheap date please. McDonalds or Burger King won’t make the cut.

F.     Look gorgeous, but don’t overdo it. Of course, you need to make it look like you haven’t made an effort. I know, it is easier said than done.

G.     The man is supposed to pay for the romantic dinners, the drinks and the outings. In fact, he is supposed to pay for everything, or at least suggest he will. Women can protest a little bit but if he insists you have to let him pay.

H.    The man is supposed to compliment the woman at every possible opportunity.

I.      Women should avoid showing too much flesh. In France, it is always better to suggest rather than be half-naked.

J.     No beer please. Champagne is the only acceptable drink to celebrate.

K.    Having your espresso with milk is a deal-breaker. Yes, even a little bit of milk.

L.     If you have the slightest doubt of whether he/she is faithful, then he/she probably isn’t. Dump him and go back to point A.

M.   If, after a few repeats of points D to K, you still haven’t used the condom mentioned in point C, you might want to cut your losses and move on.

N.    Now that you are together, hold hands, be romantic. You are in love. In France, it is OK to say/text/email ‘je t’aime’ ten times a day. Unleash your inner softie. And yes, we French are very, well, physical. You will spend days on end in bed. Be prepared.

O.    Read the existentialists and as much boring French stuff as you can (Tip for you: the summaries on Wikipedia should suffice). We French love to boast about our culture. We are obsessed with complicated words too (here are a few that you can use: gabegie, flavescent, lenifier. Prepare your own list to shine during dinners with family and friends.

P.     If you decide to get married, you might need to get married twice (with the same person, obviously): once at the town hall, once at your local church.

Q.    Whatever you do, never, ever let yourself balloon. Becoming too fat is a common cause for divorce in France. If you are a woman and are worried about this, just don’t. Keep in mind that the French health system will pay for you to get rid of the fat on your tummy after giving birth. It will help, I promise.

R.     Having sex is part of we French call ‘conjugal duty’, fat tummy or not. And if you are not having it at least a few times a month, well, he/she is probably having it elsewhere, and everybody will understand why.

S.     If you are a woman, don’t divorce in France. Much better to go to London if you can.

T.     If you are a man, you can safely divorce in France.

U.    No, not all French men have mistresses. There are some decent French men. It is all about finding the right one. Avoid politicians at all costs and you should be OK.

V.     If you make it to babies then note that medieval names are making a comeback: Corentin and Tugdual for the boys, and Isabeau or Alienor for the girls.

W.   The maternity leave only lasts 10 weeks after the birth of your baby.

X.     …but you can usually get more if you breastfeed. Not to mention that you can take up to three years of unpaid parental leave. Your employer is supposed to give you your old job back or a similar position in the company after the leave.

Y.     In France, you don’t grow older, you get better. Stuides have been made and they say that even the sex gets better when you age. Think Catherine Deneuve or Francois Cluzet.

Z.     Now you can finally be happy, look happy and relax. Because whatever everybody says, living in France has a lot of advantages.

To read more from Muriel, visit her blog French Yummy Mummy or you can join her thousands of followers on Twitter @FrenchYumMummy

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HEALTH

IN PICTURES: 7 of the French government’s sexiest public health adverts

An advertising campaign aimed at convincing young people to get the Covid vaccine has attracted international attention, but it’s not the first time that French authorities have sexed up their public health messaging.

IN PICTURES: 7 of the French government's sexiest public health adverts
Image: AIDES.

It’s an international cliché that France is the land of l’amour – or at least the land of le sexe – and that reputation does seem to be justified, given how often French public health bodies have turned to sex in an attempt to get their message across.

From the suggestive to the downright scandalous, here are seven examples of health campaigns which relied on that oh so French fondness for romance.

Get vaccinated, get laid

The Covid campaign in question was created by regional health authorities in the southern Provence-Alpes-Côtes d’Azur region.

The poster which has got people hot under the collar features two very attractive and very French-looking people kissing, seemingly in the back of a cab after a night on the town. “Yes, the vaccine can have desirable effects,” it says.

The campaign has proved so popular that it will soon be expanded.

Promoting road safety

Earlier this year, the French Road Safety Delegation released a video ahead of Valentine’s Day, which showed a couple sharing an intimate moment in the bedroom.

The full 30-second video featured the slogan, “Life is better than one last drink for the road”.

Another image of two people kissing, seemingly without clothes, included the line, “Life, love. On the road, don’t forget what truly matters.”

Fight against HIV/AIDS

While the link between road safety and sex isn’t immediately obvious, less surprising are the references to intimacy in the health ministry’s HIV awareness campaign from 2016.

Each of the different posters shows two men embracing. Straplines include, “With a lover, with a friend, with a stranger. Situations vary, and so do the protective measures.”

The posters shocked conservative sensibilities, and several right-wing mayors asked for them to be taken down in their towns. 

HIV awareness campaign

Just a few days after the controversy over the ministry’s posters ignited, the non-profit AIDES launched its own campaign, and it didn’t hold back.

The posters showed scuba instructors, piano teachers and parachutists, all of them naked alongside their students. The slogan: “People undergoing treatment for HIV have a lot of things to pass onto us. But the AIDS virus isn’t one.”

“Even if we’ve been spreading this information since 2008, we realise that a lot of people don’t know that antiviral treatments prevent spreading,” head of AIDES Aurélien Beaucamp told France Info.

“People are still afraid of those who are HIV-positive.” 

Government-mandated pornography

It’s common for sexualised advertising campaigns to be labelled pornographic by critics, but in 1998, the French government went a step further and created actual pornography.

READ ALSO Language of love – 15 of the best romantic French phrases

The health ministry commissioned TV station Canal Plus to create five short erotic films to encourage the use of condoms and prevent the spread of HIV. The campaign featured up-and-coming directors such as Cedric Klapisch and Gaspar Noé.

“The only possible way to look at, to get people to protect themselves, is to show, show everything, show simply and without creating an obsession of the sexual act and the act of wearing a condom,” Klapisch said, according to an Associated Press story published at the time. 

You didn’t really think we’d include images of this one, did you? (OK, here’s a link for those who are curious).

A controversial anti-smoking campaign

https://twitter.com/MarketainmentSE/status/212863393143586817

It’s time to forget what we said about romance, because there is nothing romantic about this 2010 campaign from the Droits des Non-Fumeurs (Non-smokers’ rights) association and the BDDP & Fils communications agency.

The campaign featured several images of young people with a cigarette in their mouths, looking up at an adult man who rested his hand on their heads. The cigarette appeared to be coming out of the man’s trousers.

The slogan said, “Smoking means being a slave to tobacco”. The association said the sexual imagery was meant to get the attention of young people who were desensitised to traditional anti-smoking messages, but the posters caused outrage, with members of the government publicly criticising the choice of imagery.

Celebrating LGBTQ+ love

On the other end of the spectrum is this very romantic video from the national health agency Santé Publique France. It was released on May 17th 2021, the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, and was part of a campaign against anti-LGBT discrimination and violence. It is set to Jean-Claude Pascal’s Nous les amoureux

Showing a diverse range of couples kissing, holding hands, and healing each other’s wounds, the video ends on the word play: “In the face of intolerance, it’s up to us to make the difference.”

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