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EMILIA MILLICENT

LOVE

‘I will never cut corners romantically, ever’

In the first of a five-part series of love and dating columns, Edinburgh native and single girl Emilia Millicent tells us about the conundrums of finding a suitable boy in Sweden.

'I will never cut corners romantically, ever'

Something struck me this week when the English National Ballet went down the route of so many others these past few soggy winter days. Twirling in a different direction entirely – like a Södertälje cop or a Borås firefighter – yes, of course, we’re talking about that frenzy of silliness known as the Harlem Shake.

What struck me was not how undignified it was of professional ballerinas to join in the globalized collective (globective?) fun, but how their participation proved to me that everyone seems to be yearning for a bit of silliness lately.

About bloody time, I say.

Sub-prime mortgages, Islamists in Timbuktu, ‘Golden Dawn’ in the Greek parliament, radiation in Japan, horsemeat in our lasagnas, the fact that you can’t find a good Dirty Martini in Stockholm for love or money… it’s frankly been a bit of a slog lately.

Well, to be truthful, the world has not been much fun since 9/11.

Many in my generation have responded to the moodiness of the era by bunkering down, literally. Two of my best friends are in what I’d term arranged marriages, it’s just that they arranged them themselves without parental input. They found a boy that was good looking enough and kind enough and just got on with it. Bought houses. Reproduced.

We grow herbs on our kitchen window sills without a hint of irony. In Stockholm, men as young as 25 are sporting mustaches – not the Williamsburg hipster lettuce slug, but bushy “don’t disturb your father when he’s in his study” facial hair.

Tweed has made a comeback. As has black coffee.

Everything is just so frigging serious. I often wonder what Freud would say if he came back from the dead.

The Harlem Shake pandemic makes utter sense given the context. We all just want to unclench our jaws and relax, be a bit silly.

I welcome this silliness with open arms, not just for the world but for hugely personal reasons. For women of a certain still fertile age, the current reinvented bourgeois solemness distorts other people’s view of us.

I am silly, but my peers are not, and their intent on being more adult than adult spells bad news for me. Everyone seems to assume I want what they want.

At 33, I feel that whenever I go on a date, people are no longer sizing up my boobs, their gaze has fallen a foot or two to my belly. What am I supposed to say?

“Yes, that’s my womb and it’s doing fine, thank you very much.”

I feel the men I date think that I must be urging for marriage and bambinos pronto. That is not the case. And I resent that others allow themselves to assume that of me.

Not only do I resent it, I think it’s idiotic. Because rather than the men thinking “Does she like me?”, these men now seem convinced that I simply MUST like them.

I must like them because I am… ready…

Other 30-something girlfriends tell me they’re facing the same attitude from boys from London to Hong Kong.

This is not only revoltingly narcissistic, it’s incorrect.

Where I would allow myself odd dalliances in the past, today I am much more picky. Not, I underscore not, because I may want to marry and I quickly rule out any unsuitable candidates. Nor because I’ve ruled out shorter romances.

It’s because all those odd dalliances were part of my romantic, moral, and sexual education. I learned from them, I know what I don’t want. That’s true for flings, it’s true for longer stuff.

There will be no cutting corners here, and that won’t change when I’m 43, 53, or even 93. EVER.

Of course whenever me being fine with waiting comes up there is always someone who gives me a “Honey, are there even any eggs left in there?” look – either laced with pity, or hinting that I’m naive or, even worse, stupid.

For me, however, waiting is about respect. Respecting myself and respecting others. I would never be so cruel and deceitful to another human being as to knowingly start a family with a person I didn’t love properly. Half-baked is not for me.

And if there are no bairns? Well, then there will be no bairns.

Lots of practice in the art of maybe one day making bairns? Yes, please. And I’ll have a Harlem and milk shake with that.

Emilia Millicent lives in Stockholm and works in finance during daylight hours.

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HEALTH

IN PICTURES: 7 of the French government’s sexiest public health adverts

An advertising campaign aimed at convincing young people to get the Covid vaccine has attracted international attention, but it’s not the first time that French authorities have sexed up their public health messaging.

IN PICTURES: 7 of the French government's sexiest public health adverts
Image: AIDES.

It’s an international cliché that France is the land of l’amour – or at least the land of le sexe – and that reputation does seem to be justified, given how often French public health bodies have turned to sex in an attempt to get their message across.

From the suggestive to the downright scandalous, here are seven examples of health campaigns which relied on that oh so French fondness for romance.

Get vaccinated, get laid

The Covid campaign in question was created by regional health authorities in the southern Provence-Alpes-Côtes d’Azur region.

The poster which has got people hot under the collar features two very attractive and very French-looking people kissing, seemingly in the back of a cab after a night on the town. “Yes, the vaccine can have desirable effects,” it says.

The campaign has proved so popular that it will soon be expanded.

Promoting road safety

Earlier this year, the French Road Safety Delegation released a video ahead of Valentine’s Day, which showed a couple sharing an intimate moment in the bedroom.

The full 30-second video featured the slogan, “Life is better than one last drink for the road”.

Another image of two people kissing, seemingly without clothes, included the line, “Life, love. On the road, don’t forget what truly matters.”

Fight against HIV/AIDS

While the link between road safety and sex isn’t immediately obvious, less surprising are the references to intimacy in the health ministry’s HIV awareness campaign from 2016.

Each of the different posters shows two men embracing. Straplines include, “With a lover, with a friend, with a stranger. Situations vary, and so do the protective measures.”

The posters shocked conservative sensibilities, and several right-wing mayors asked for them to be taken down in their towns. 

HIV awareness campaign

Just a few days after the controversy over the ministry’s posters ignited, the non-profit AIDES launched its own campaign, and it didn’t hold back.

The posters showed scuba instructors, piano teachers and parachutists, all of them naked alongside their students. The slogan: “People undergoing treatment for HIV have a lot of things to pass onto us. But the AIDS virus isn’t one.”

“Even if we’ve been spreading this information since 2008, we realise that a lot of people don’t know that antiviral treatments prevent spreading,” head of AIDES Aurélien Beaucamp told France Info.

“People are still afraid of those who are HIV-positive.” 

Government-mandated pornography

It’s common for sexualised advertising campaigns to be labelled pornographic by critics, but in 1998, the French government went a step further and created actual pornography.

READ ALSO Language of love – 15 of the best romantic French phrases

The health ministry commissioned TV station Canal Plus to create five short erotic films to encourage the use of condoms and prevent the spread of HIV. The campaign featured up-and-coming directors such as Cedric Klapisch and Gaspar Noé.

“The only possible way to look at, to get people to protect themselves, is to show, show everything, show simply and without creating an obsession of the sexual act and the act of wearing a condom,” Klapisch said, according to an Associated Press story published at the time. 

You didn’t really think we’d include images of this one, did you? (OK, here’s a link for those who are curious).

A controversial anti-smoking campaign

https://twitter.com/MarketainmentSE/status/212863393143586817

It’s time to forget what we said about romance, because there is nothing romantic about this 2010 campaign from the Droits des Non-Fumeurs (Non-smokers’ rights) association and the BDDP & Fils communications agency.

The campaign featured several images of young people with a cigarette in their mouths, looking up at an adult man who rested his hand on their heads. The cigarette appeared to be coming out of the man’s trousers.

The slogan said, “Smoking means being a slave to tobacco”. The association said the sexual imagery was meant to get the attention of young people who were desensitised to traditional anti-smoking messages, but the posters caused outrage, with members of the government publicly criticising the choice of imagery.

Celebrating LGBTQ+ love

On the other end of the spectrum is this very romantic video from the national health agency Santé Publique France. It was released on May 17th 2021, the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia, and was part of a campaign against anti-LGBT discrimination and violence. It is set to Jean-Claude Pascal’s Nous les amoureux

Showing a diverse range of couples kissing, holding hands, and healing each other’s wounds, the video ends on the word play: “In the face of intolerance, it’s up to us to make the difference.”

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